


Only You

by BleedingDeath



Category: Call of Duty
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Original Character(s), Romance, Self-Harm, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 16:04:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3535556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleedingDeath/pseuds/BleedingDeath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gary is new to Task Force 141, and MacTavish is introducing him to everyone, including the quiet soldier who goes by the name Ghost. They fall for each other, but things aren't as easy as it had seemed at the start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Make Me Smile

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to work on this fic for about a year, so, here's to that start of it. Based on the songs from the album Foiled by Blue October.

"Roach, this is Ghost."

Captain MacTavish took it upon himself to introduce him to the team since he was the new guy around the base. Everyone seemed welcoming and were glad to have a new member. Though the reaction from Ghost was different. Gary had held out his hand to shake, but Ghost only gave him a nod, his arms remaining crossed. Quite frankly, he didn't know how to take that. So his hand returned to his side and he stood there feeling awkward until Ghost left.

Once introductions were all said and done, MacTavish returned to his desk to finish some work he had left. Gary, however, hung around, shuffling his feet as he wanted to speak, but wasn't sure if he should.

"What is it?" MacTavish asked, not looking up from his work.

"Ah... That guy, the one in the mask... What's his deal?" He had no idea if he was disliked or not and clarification on the matter would be appreciated.

"Who? Ghost?" He gave a little chuckle, giving Gary a quick look. "Don't worry about him, he's just like that. I'm sure you two will get along fine if that's what you're worried about. He's great out in the field."

Gary gave a nod in understanding.

"In the meantime, you can head to your room, I'm busy. Try not to cause too much trouble."

"Yes, sir." Without another word he left. Thankfully, he wasn't set to room with Ghost. That would likely lead to many awkward silences that he'd rather avoid. As he walked down the hall looking for his room, he was pretty sure he was told it was down this way at least, he came across an open door. Was that it, or was it further down? Just a quick peek in to see if it was, that would do it.

So he looked in, and as luck would have it, Ghost was sitting on the bed. Not his room, not at all.

"Whoops, sorry, wrong room."

But Ghost didn't give a reply, not bothering to look up from what he was reading.

"Hey, what's your name?" He hadn't heard it mentioned before and he was only introduced by a nickname.

"Simon."

"Nice to meet you Simon, I'm Gary."

"I know," he answered, finally looking up and eying him.

"Oh... Right." There was momentary silence before he asked, "What are you reading?"

"A book."

"What's it about?"

"Don't know. I keep getting interrupted."

"I— Oh. Right, sorry, I'll go now."

With that, Ghost returned to his book, and he left in search of his room, which he found at the end of the hall. He sat on the bed, sighing quietly before flopping back and staring at the ceiling. It looked like things would be interesting from here on out.

-

It was a few days before he was sent out into the field with Captain MacTavish, and when he was it was a lot colder than he had been expecting. Of course he also almost fell off a cliff side, but that was beside the point. The Captain had been there to catch him though, he didn't want to think about if he hadn't in time. Then there was when they went to the favela, Ghost was with them that time. They ended up having to make a mad dash to the chopper, but he hadn't quite made it across the rooftops and had fallen onto his back into the streets below.

That had been a rough day. All in all he made it back to the others in one piece, if not a little woozy. Falling from a building will do that to you. After that, he and Ghost were sent on a small intel mission together, which so far, had been going well.

"Where to now?" Gary asked, aiming his sights down a ways ahead of them.

"To the chopper. They'll be just below the hill in five. We have to hurry."

They crouched low, hurrying from the building and into the clearing.

"Keep on guard, there may be more."

"Roger."

By now they were at the side of a dusty road, the most cover they had were small shrubs and a few slender trees. Everything was going as planned.

"Roach! Get down!"

The next thing he knew, Ghost tackled him to the ground as he heard shots fire. Ghost fired off a few shots before grabbing Roach.

"Hold tight. We're going downhill."

"We're what? Hey Wai—" There was no more time to react and he hung onto Ghost as he rolled them down the side of the hill though they weren't at the point where they should have been yet. Ultimately, this detour would save them some time and give them more cover. It was dizzying, seeing the world roll at high speeds around them until it came to a sudden halt when they reached the bottom.

"Roach, you okay? We've got to go. Now."

"Yeah... Yeah, I'm okay." He had the wind knocked out of him, and his superior on top of him, but all limbs were still intact and there were no extra holes in his body. Ghost had landed on top of him, staring down at him through his tinted glasses. Then a moment later, he got off him and offered a hand to help him up.

"Thanks. That was close." He took his hand and they were back on their way.

"Too close. I told you to keep a look out."

"Sorry." Just what he needed, to get on Ghost's bad side because he messed up.

"Just keep your eyes open, we're almost there."

They made it safely, being just on time. Back at base they reported what little intel they actually had. The whereabouts of Makarov were still unknown, but he couldn't hide forever. After, Gary was left to contemplate how well Ghost worked on the field compared to their everyday interactions, which were practically nonexistent. It wasn't even that he avoided Ghost like the others did, they were too intimidated, but Ghost just never really said anything. Maybe there was just nothing to talk about. That didn't mean that he wouldn't keep trying though.

That could wait until tomorrow. He wasn't sure if Ghost would be any friendlier after his fuck up on the mission, best to let him be for now. In his defense, seeing through foliage was not his forte, but that was no excuse. A mistake like that could get someone killed. Ghost had good reaction time, he must practice a lot.

Then his mind wandered to when Ghost was on top of him and how, just for a moment, he forgot that they were on a mission in the middle of war. All there was was Ghost's eyes on him. He couldn't tell what color they were. With the glasses they looked like a shade of brown, but he couldn't be sure. Not that it mattered. He felt Ghost didn't like him anyway.

"Tomorrow. I'll just talk to him tomorrow."

The next morning, Gary stopped by Ghost's room, but he wasn't there. Maybe he was in the cafeteria already? That was the next place he searched, though much to his disappointment, Ghost wasn't there either. Where was he then? Showers? He wasn't about to check there. The next place he checked was the rec-room, but he wasn't in there. In fact, no one was there yet. He sighed, not sure where to check next, but ended up wandering out back at the shooting range they had set up.

A shot rang out and he jumped, startled. Who was out here this early? Well, besides himself. Upon closer inspection, he saw it was just the person he was looking for, Ghost.

"Ghost! What're you doing out here so early?"

"Practice."

Again with those short answers. "Right. But why would you come out here this early? People are still just getting up."

"That's the point."

"Oh." There was a pause as he thought of what to say next. "Do you want coffee or something? Have you eaten?"

"Yes, I have."

"Do you want company then?" This wasn't going very well.

"Not really."

"Hey... Ghost?"

"What is it?" He sighed, putting his rifle down.

"I'm sorry about yesterday."

"What about it?"

"For not spotting those guys... It could've ended badly."

"Yeah, it could have, but it didn't. Not this time. Don't dwell on it, we all screw up."

"So then... You're not mad?"

"No."

Gary sighed in relief. At least that would be one less thing he had to worry about.

"Is there anything else, or is that it?" It looked like he was getting impatient.

"No, that's it. Mind if I watch though?" He smiled, feeling more at ease.

"Knock yourself out."

And so he sat down on a low retainer wall, watching as Ghost expertly hit his targets. He really was a great shot. If he payed enough attention maybe he could learn a thing or to. He rested his chin in his palm, staying like that for a while. Since it was still early, he found himself nodding off after some time. The occasional shot sent him back into alertness, and once Ghost was finished, Gary stood and stretched. That was all he'd bother Ghost with for the day and the rest continued as normal.

The next day, he woke up earlier to see just how early Ghost woke up, but when he checked the rooms as before, he once again found that they were empty. When he went outside, Ghost was once again practicing. He stayed quieter this time, just waiting for him to finish.

"Don't you have something better to do than follow me around?"

"Not really," Gary admitted, walking with Ghost throughout the base.

"You could watch the TV."

"But we only get one channel and it's in Russian."

"So go bother Soap."

"Who?" Who was this Soap person? He hadn't heard anyone at the base go by that name.

"Never mind."

It was so hard to tell if Ghost was truly irritated with him or not. On the one hand, he never seemed happy about interacting, but on the other, he never tried to get him to go away or told him to leave him alone. It was a bit confusing to say the least.

Over the next few days it was the same routine. He would try to talk to Ghost, only to get short responses, or even a grunt in return. Though he had found out that Ghost practically woke up at the crack of dawn, which he only found out because he woke up having to take a piss. Eventually, he decided not to bother him for a while, instead to focus on some training that his roommate was willing to help him with.

It was on one particular morning that Gary got up hellishly early on purpose to eat with Ghost, or at the very least drink coffee. And it was on this morning that Ghost didn't seem to mind the company because when Gary sat across from him he didn't sigh or make a remark, instead he looked up from his book and greeted him.

"Morning."

"Morning," Gary half yawned. The sun wasn't even out yet, could it really be considered morning?

"Tired?" His eyes flicked up, but quickly focused back on the book in his hand.

"Yeah... It's really early." He had gotten coffee, but hadn't taken a sip yet. Maybe it would help. So he took a sip, frowning as he swallowed. So bitter.

"Coffee's shit."

"No kidding, this has got to be the worst thing I've ever tasted."

"So you haven't tasted the Captain's cooking yet?"

"No... Is it really that bad?" He was thrown off by Ghost's humor, and that the coffee was already bad so anything worse, he couldn't imagine.

"That man could probably burn water."

"That's kind of sad."

"Yeah, it is."

Gary poked at his coffee mug. "Do you wanna drink this?"

"No, too much coffee makes my hands shake, bad for shooting." A moment of silence before he continued on. "You could leave it at the Captain's desk, he'll probably think it's his from last night."

"Won't it be cold though?"

"It doesn't matter, he'll drink it anyway, bit of a caffeine junkie while he's cooped up with paperwork stacked taller than he is."

"I think I'll do that then."

Sure enough, throughout the day Captain MacTavish did drink the cold coffee, not questioning how it came to be on his desk when he thought there hadn't been a cup the night before. Gary couldn't help but snicker.

There had been another day where he had caught Ghost looking at him while he walked to the rec-room, though he wasn't sure why. But it distracted him long enough to walk right into the wall instead of the room. Needless to say, it was embarrassing. He could have sworn he saw Ghost grin under that balaclava of his. Lately, any time he thought of Ghost or saw him, he would feel flustered. It may have been his mind playing tricks on him, but it felt like he had developed a crush on his superior much to his dismay.

Now, he knew it wasn't the best idea to act on these feelings, and yet part of him couldn't help it. He doubted Ghost was interested in him anyway. In the afternoon, he found Ghost in his room, and he couldn't tell if he had fallen asleep sitting up, or if his eyes were just closed.

"Ah... Ghost?"

"Hm?" He didn't move, but he certainly wasn't sleeping.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Aren't you already doing that?"

"Well... yeah, but..."

"Something wrong, Roach? You're acting weird."

"No, nothing's wrong."

"Just came in here to watch me sleep then? That's creepy," he teased.

"I did not! I said I just wanted to talk, but you know what? I changed my mind." Yep, that'd show him.

"Oi, don't be like that. If you want to talk, get your ass in here and shut the door."

"Okay." He did as he was told, shutting the door and sitting on the edge of Ghost's bed. It was nerve racking. This wasn't what he had in mind.

"You sure you're okay? You look nervous." Ghost sat up, scooting over next to him.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." He just had to keep his cool.

"Can I ask you something?" Ghost turned to him.

"Of course."

"Are you intimidated by me?"

"Eh?" That wasn't what he expected. "A little maybe... I mean you're my superior after all. Why?"

He was quiet for a while. Either thinking or not wanting to say anything, he couldn't tell.

"No reason. I'm just surprised you have a spine unlike everyone else."

"Oh yeah, people do kind of avoid you, don't they?"

"Yeah."

"It's probably because you're really tall."

"What?"

"You're really tall so when you stand next to someone it's intimidating. Either that, or your combat skills."

And at that moment, something he would surely not forget, was the first time he heard Ghost laugh. It was quiet and short, but he laughed. And it made him smile.

"So you're telling me people are intimidated by me because I'm good at my job?"

"Yeah, is that so strange?" He thought it was understandable.

"I think so. It doesn't make sense to get nervous by someone better than you when you can spend your time to become better than them."

"I don't think everyone thinks like that though, I know I don't."

"If more people did we'd probably have better soldiers. Not that they aren't good now, but they could be more."

"Yeah, you're probably right." He hadn't really thought about it, but he made a good point.

"What'd you want to talk about anyway?"

"Oh... Uhh... I forgot." He lied of course. He wanted to talk about how he had a crush on him, but it was best not to.

"If you say so."

Gary's attention focused on Ghost's hand, it was right beside him. Maybe if he just... He wasn't quite brave enough to rest his hand on Ghost's, but he did brush his fingers along the gloved hand before standing up.

"I should... I should go. Sorry." He bolted out of the room. Training. Training is what he would do for the rest of the day.

The next day, there was no change. Everything was normal. However, he wasn't going to hang around Ghost today, he thought it'd be awkward. Did he owe him an explanation for what he did? What if that just made things worse?

"That was really stupid..." He groaned, rubbing his face.

"What's really stupid?"

He jolted upright, hearing Ghost. "What are you doing in here?"

"Came to get you up. It's late."

"Oh, right, yeah. I should get moving." He'd been so caught up in his own thoughts.

"You okay Roach? You seem... distracted."

"Huh? No, I'm fine," he reassured giving a smile.

"Good. I'm going to need you focused today."

"How come?"

"You're going to practice knife combat with me, so get ready. You have ten minutes."

Knife combat? He swallowed hard. Knife combat with Ghost had never crossed his mind and he'd be lying if he weren't afraid. "Y-yes, sir!"

He got ready quickly, having a few minutes to spare before he went outside to stand in front of Ghost. There were a few spectators, MacTavish being one of them. Great. Now he had to be seen getting his ass kicked in front of the Captain too.

"Do we have to do this while everyone is watching...?" he asked quietly.

"What? Have trouble preforming in front of an audience? Don't be such a pansy."

He could see that smirk again, the subtle way the fabric shifted on his face.

"Fine." He took out his knife, waiting for Ghost to strike.

It was a matter of seconds before he was kicked in the leg and knocked to the ground.

"You have to move faster than that Roach, get up!"

This wasn't going to be a fun day. Every time he tried to get an edge on Ghost he was knocked to the ground. At one point he thought he had the advantage, but once again, Ghost just knocked him right back down. It happened again and again. It came to a certain point where everyone who decided to watch, left.

"Ghost, don't you think we can... stop now?" Gary panted. They'd been at this for almost an hour.

"One more."

He could see the determination in his eyes. He enjoyed this a little too much. Maybe this time he could— No. No, he couldn't. He went to take a step and he was pinned to the ground once more, only this time Ghost wasn't letting him up.

"Alright, alright, you won, let me up."

"Not yet, I'm not finished."

"But you said we'd stop."

"And we have, but that's not what I'm talking about."

"... What are you talking about then?"

"Yesterday. You left in a hurry, how come?"

Oh no... "I... thought it was obvious." Now he really felt nervous.

"Well it isn't, so explain yourself." He then sat on Gary, so he surely wouldn't go anywhere.

He could either lie or tell the truth and he didn't know which was better at the moment.

"As your superior, I order you to tell me."

"Don't you have anything else to do?" He squirmed, seeing if he could wriggle his way out.

"Nope, I have time. So what's it going to be Roach?"

"I..." Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit. "I... I like... you..." His voice was quiet, he wasn't sure if Ghost could even hear him, but judging by what he could see, Ghost looked surprised.

"Huh." He got off Gary, offering a hand to help him up.

"Did you hear me...?" He took his hand, brushing the dirt off himself.

"I heard you."

"... And?"

"And nothing." Ghost stretched, just as if nothing had happened. "Later Roach." He gave a wave, walking back into base.

"What. The hell. Just. Happened...?"

He spent the night lying awake in confusion. How Ghost reacted wasn't what he expected. It wasn't really a reaction at all. What the hell had gone through his mind anyway? Did he make things weird? He did, didn't he? If only he could pretend it didn't happen.

The next day went different from what he thought it would be. He was helping the Captain move in some crates when Ghost came in.

"Here, let me help," Ghost offered, helping Gary move a large crate that he had been attempting to lift himself.

"Thanks..." He was going to say he had it, but didn't want to be rude. His heart jumped a bit as Ghost's hands touched his own. Surely not on purpose. Not after yesterday.

"We can put it down over here."

It thunked to the ground and Gary sighed. It really was heavy.

"Roach, do you have a minute?"

"I should really get back to helping the Captain."

"It'll just be a minute."

"Yeah, sure."

So they walked outside in the back where no one was.

"So... What is it?" He felt uncomfortable, but he wanted to know what he had to say.

Ghost was silent. Not fidgeting, not moving a muscle, just still. "I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me? For what?" The shock showed on his face.

"You're not afraid of me. All these men here, they won't look at me. And I don't mind that, as you know I'm not much of a people person, but... You're different."

He gave a slight nod, not knowing where this was going.

"I've been thinking about what you said, how you like me and all."

And there it was. That must've been the real reason for this conversation. Gary leaned back against the wall, listening with intent.

"Well, I'm flattered. I didn't know, though I probably should have with the hand thing. I'm not... good at things like this. Relationships. But..."

Flattered was one thing, but that still didn't mean that he was liked back, right? Or that's what he thought until Ghost leaned closer to him, hand against the wall. What was going on?

"I'm game for this if you are." It was a whisper in his ear, in that low voice that he had, and it sent a shiver down his spine.

"Y-yeah. Yes, sir." His whole body had gone stiff having Ghost in such close proximity.

Ghost chuckled, shaking his head. "You don't have to be so formal there, we're alone you know."

"I know... I just... I thought you didn't like me."

"Didn't like you? I never once said that."

"But the way you acted..." Mixed signals.

"Is how I act. Not everyone warms up to people quick, but you've seemed to live up to your name and pestered me like a bug. So, here we are."

And here they were.

"... I don't even know what you look like." His hands reached out for Ghost's mask, but his hands were stopped.

"That can wait. For now, just this." He let go of Gary's hands, pulling his balaclava up just enough to reveal his pale lips, and leaned in further until their lips met.

An unintentional noise of surprise came from his mouth at the contact. It was only a short kiss, but that was all that was needed to fluster him so when Ghost pulled away, his face was bright red.

"Hmm... Cute," Ghost remarked, adjusting the cloth around his face. "I'll see you inside Roach, don't be long, Captain's probably waiting."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be there." Once his face wasn't red.

 


	2. He's My Ride Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, the second chapter! Took a bit longer than I thought, but thank you all for waiting patiently and leaving feedback! It's greatly appreciated :D At any rate, I hope you enjoy this one.

"So what're you going to do when we're able to go home?" Gary asked, sharpening his combat knife while sitting next to Ghost, who was doing the same.

"Not sure, I'm not going back home when this is all over."

"Really? Doesn't your family miss you?" Did Ghost even have a family? He had never asked and it had never come up either.

"What about your family Roach?" he asked, completely avoiding the topic.

"Yeah, I'm sure they miss me. We don't live in the same state so I haven't seen them in a while, but I still try to call, you know?" He missed his family a lot sometimes. "Oh, did I ever tell you that I'm adopted?"

"No, you didn't, but that's nice."

"Yeah." He smiled. "Maybe you can meet them sometime. You live in England, don't you? I know it's kind of far, but maybe you can visit."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Where are you going if you're not going back home anyway?"

"Not sure. Might just go back to England for a quick visit, after that, who knows." He shrugged.

"Well... What if... No, never mind, it's a stupid idea." Gary smiled sheepishly. Ghost would never go for something like that.

"Just spit it out, Roach."

"What if you stayed at my place?"

Ghost paused, looking as though he was about to drop his knife on the floor. "Roach, I like you, don't get me wrong, but I'm not moving in with you."

"What? No! That's not what I mean!" His face flushed, but he continued nonetheless, "I meant you could stay with me for a few days or whatever..."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

Gary frowned. "How come?"

"It's just not."

"Okay... Well if you change your mind." He was disappointed, but it wasn't like he could make Ghost change his mind anyway.

"Cheer up, mate. It's not the end of the world." He nudged Gary in the ribs.

"Yeah, yeah I know." It cheered him up a little, but he still wondered why. Even though they had gotten closer, he'd noticed that Ghost was still guarded whenever they spoke. He was sure he had his reasons though.

"Nice to see Soap happier now that Captain Price is back, don't you think?"

"Yeah, they have a lot of history together, don't they?" They had found Price earlier that week. He'd been held captive, but the Captain had never looked more glad to see someone.

"That's an understatement. They're best buds. Do you think they've been shagging each other?"

"What? What the hell does that mean?"

"Sex. God Roach, are you really that naive?"

"Don't sound so offended, geez. And no, I don't think they are. Besides... Isn't Captain Price... old?"

"I wouldn't say that too loud, looks like Soap's coming over," Ghost said, waving to the Captain.

"You two, over here. Now. I need to talk to you."

"Think we're in trouble?"

"Doubt it, looks like this is serious, come on."

They both got up, following their captain.

"General Shepherd called in, there's two places Makarov could be hiding. Price?" Captain MacTavish stepped back so Captain Price could take over.

"There's the boneyard and the safehouse."

"So it's a fifty-fifty chance to take out Makarov, eh? Captain Price, request permission to take the safehouse with Roach."

"Granted. Soap and I will take the boneyard in Afghanistan."

The thought that Ghost wanted to take him specifically made him happy, even if it were for just a mission. Though this wasn't just any mission, this was their chance to take down Makarov, and he had to bring his A game.

"When do we leave, Captain?" Gary asked.

"Now."

And so, they packed, gathered the team, and went their separate ways. This was it. Gary sat anxiously in the helicopter, Ghost beside him.

"Nervous?"

"Not really, well, maybe. I'm not sure."

"Well, however you're feeling, make sure to be on alert, okay? This could get dangerous."

"Yes, Sir." Gary grinned.

When they landed, they were ambushed, Gary nearly missing being hit by a mine. Some of the others in the team weren't so lucky. They continued to push through, using the smoke that had come up for cover. They made their way to the safehouse at a steady pace, cutting through enemy soldiers left and right until they made it inside.

"Check the top floor, make sure it's clear! Let's go!" Ghost shouted, moving quickly to check the rest of the rooms on the first floor. "The office is clear! Roach, what's your status?"

"Top floor is clear!" He rounded the corner, checking the last room.

"Check the basement!"

"On it!" He made his way back down to the first floor, looking around for where the entrance to the basement was, but he couldn't find it. Standing next to a soldier he asked, "Ah... Scarecrow, where's the basement?"

"Just follow me, Roach."

"Roger."

Scarecrow led him right to the basement with ease, turns out he had passed it previously but hadn't noticed. Shots rang out as they cleared the basement. Once all was said and done, Gary was surprised to see just how many weapons were there. An entire wall full.

"Basement's clear, Ghost."

"Roger. Roach, get back up here so we can collect the intel. This place is a bloody goldmine."

"Coming up now."

"Good. Connect the DSM, we're not leaving here without this intel."

"On it." He headed upstairs, going into the office, and plugging it into the computer. "Transfer started."

"We've got to stay here until we have the information, hostiles are on the way. Roach, the armory is in the basement, better stock up if you need it. Arm the entrances."

"Yes, Sir! Arming the entrances!" Gary hurried, placing the claymores at all possible entrances. They'd likely hit any minute now. A few seconds of silence and then an explosion was heard in the distance.

"Hostiles incoming! Make sure no one gets through!"

It was grueling. There were hostiles on all sides. Halfway through the transfer, Ozone was hit. After that, it was Scarecrow. They just needed a little more time. Gary kept eying the DSM, just one more minute...

"Come on... Come on..." Another glance. "Ghost! Data's collected!"

"Good. Grab the DSM, and let's get the hell outta here!"

Without a moments hesitation, Gary grabbed the DSM, meeting up with Ghost at the door.

"Where's Ozone and Scarecrow?"

"Ozone's down and we can't reach Scarecrow. Roach, we have to go. Now."

"Roger. Let's go." He didn't know if Scarecrow was still alive or not, if he was, it probably wouldn't be for much longer.

There was gunfire as they ran, but they couldn't stop. Then a mortar exploded next to Gary, knocking him to the ground. There wasn't a chance to feel any pain as his vision blacked out.

"Roach! I've got you, just hang on!"

When he began to wake, his body was being dragged to the landing zone.

"Come on, we're almost there! Just a little more!"

Ghost helped Gary back up onto his feet, though it felt like he would pass out again if he had to go much further.

"Ghost? Ghost, this is Price. Do not trust Shepard, do you hear me? We're under attack—"

"Shit! Roach, hey, come on now, stay with me!"

After the radio cut out, Ghost wrapped Gary's arm around his shoulder to support him as they continued to the LZ. Where else were they supposed to go?

"Just a little further, I can see the chopper!"

Soon enough, it had landed and Shepard stepped out along with two other soldiers.

"Do you have the DSM?" he asked, eying the two of them.

"You're not getting it if that's what you're asking. We know what you're up to you bastard."

"We're trying to stop Makarov. Hand over the DSM soldier."

Without hesitation, Ghost raised his gun. It would be difficult to shoot all three of them while he couldn't aim properly, but if he had to, he would.

"Oh, you're making a mistake," Shepard chuckled, reaching for his gun. As he did so, the two soldiers beside him raised theirs, preparing to shoot.

Before they could, Ghost shot Shepard and then the two men, though they shot soon after, hitting both Gary and him. A sharp pain shot through Gary's abdomen and he began to black out once more. For now they were still alive as the three bodies fell in front of them. He couldn't tell where Ghost had been shot, but he knew he was hurt.

Ghost carried him inside, sitting him down, before going to the front and threatening the pilot to get them home. A gun to the head made for good motivation. Who knew how many of them were in on this.

Once that was settled, Ghost went back to check in on Gary, who was barely conscious.

"Hey, hey Bug... How're you holding up?"

"It hurts like hell," Gary groaned. Maybe if he just closed his eyes for a minute...

"Stay awake. You can't sleep right now, okay?" Ghost reached up to cup Gary's face.

"I'm tired..."

"I know, I know. You can sleep when we get back. Here, let me take this off."

Ghost helped him take his helmet and goggles off, then sat next to him, letting out a long sigh.

"Are you okay?" Gary asked, resting his head on Ghost's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Don't worry."

He looked down at his feet, then his gaze trailed up to his hand that was pressed against his wound. That was a lot of blood. "Shit..."

"It'll be okay, Bug. We'll be back soon. Just hang in there."

-

The next thing he remembered, he woke up in a bed. Was this the infirmary? He didn't know. His body hurt so he couldn't be bothered to care too much. But if he was here then where was... "Ghost?" A small glance down and he saw exactly who he'd been thinking of.

"Hm...? Oh, you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Been better, but I can't complain. What about you?" Ghost didn't look particularly hurt, but he knew he had gotten shot somewhere.

"Yeah, just tired. They patched me up all right. Bullet to the arm."

"That's good. I'm glad you didn't get too hurt." He smiled. "Where's everyone else?"

"Celebrating. Shepard's dead now, you know. But I'm not one for parties. They did come to check on you though."

"Shouldn't you be resting? How long have you been here anyway?"

"Not too long... Why?"

"Because it looks like you've been here a while. Weren't you sleeping?"

"I wasn't sleeping."

"Hmm..."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing." He had a feeling that Ghost was lying, but he wouldn't push it. He did however finally take notice that Ghost was resting his hand on top of his.

"Your face is turning red... Are you sure you're okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm okay." Gary focused his attention elsewhere, looking a little too focused at a bed sheet across the room.

"You're not very good at lying, Roach. Scoot over."

"Huh?"

"Scoot."

He did as he was told, moving over slowly to the edge of the bed. Shortly after, Ghost joined him.

"What are you doing? What if someone sees?"

"Look, Bug, we almost died today. You almost died today. I don't think getting caught by our superiors is one of our greatest worries. They won't be back for a while anyway since they know I'm in here."

"Yeah... I guess you're right." That made him feel more at ease. He didn't want anyone to know about them quite yet.

"You comfortable enough?"

"Yeah, I'm good." He nestled closer to Ghost.

"I'm glad you're okay," Ghost said quietly, resting his arm over Gary. It was an awkward angle to be at, but they made the best of it.

In no time they were both sound asleep, exhausted from the long day.

 

About a week had gone by since then, and he and Ghost were getting ready to head home, although Ghost wasn't nearly as excited as Gary was. Since Shepard was dead, and Shepard's betrayal had evidence on the DSM, they got to go on leave. Gary had pretty much finished packing, and thought he'd go see how Ghost was coming along.

"Ghost? Can I come in?" he asked, knocking on the door.

"Sure."

He opened the door, shutting it behind him when he entered. "Have you finished packing?"

"Yeah." Once again, Ghost was reading.

"Where's your bag?"

"Under the bed. There wasn't much." He set the book down, looking at Gary. "What about you?"

"Yup, all ready to go. It'll be nice to see my family again." He would miss Ghost though.

"Don't look so sad, it's not like you won't see me again."

"I know... But you're going to be so far away." Gary sat on Ghost's bed. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Bug."

"Hey, uhh... Ghost? Since we won't see each other for a while... Could I— If you don't mind that is, but could I... see you?" If Ghost said no, which is what he expected, then that would be okay. He wasn't sure if it were too soon. The last time he had tried, Ghost stopped him.

There was silence, and he thought that would be a no, but instead Ghost responded with, "Alright."

"Really?" He perked up.

"Mhm, come here."

Gary moved closer. "It's really okay?"

"Yes Roach, it's okay."

"Okay..." He lifted his hands to Ghost's glasses, slowly taking them off. Blue eyes. Beautiful blue eyes. Next was the balaclava. This made him more nervous than he thought it would. With a little hesitation, he began to lift it up. Soon it was passed his mouth, then his nose, until it was completely gone. "Wow." There were scars etched along his cheeks and jaw, he couldn't help but trace them with his fingers.

"So... What do you think?"

Gary's attention was snapped back into reality as he realized he had been staring. "You're so handsome... Why didn't you want to show me before?"

"I don't like people seeing my scars."

"Well, I think they make you look hot."

Ghost smirked, pulling Gary in close to kiss him. "We should probably get going. Soap'll be checking in on us soon."

"You could still come with me you know... You don't have to be by yourself."

"Roach, I already told you."

"And I already told you we wouldn't be living together, it'd just be for a week or two maybe. Or you could stay at a hotel I guess... But..."

"Roach."

"I know, I know." He kissed Ghost again before standing. "Make sure you got everything though, okay?"

"Yes, Mum."

Gary rolled his eyes as he went back to his room, making sure that he hadn't missed packing anything. Not that they brought much to start with.

That afternoon, Captain MacTavish came and got them.

"You boys ready?"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Sure."

"No need to sound so excited now, Ghost. You'll probably be back here before you know it. Have a safe trip you two. You've earned it."

"Thank you, Captain!" Gary waved goodbye to Captain Mactavish as he went back into the base and the helicopter was landing. Once they were seated Gary asked, "They're dropping you off first, right?"

"Yeah, you'll be riding home alone."

"Man, that sucks." He pouted.

"I'm not gone yet. Stop looking like you just saw a puppy get kicked."

Gary gave a small nod, but the sadness was already starting to set in. On the other hand, he would be able to see his family, and that did make him happy.

They spent the ride holding hands in the silence. Time went by quicker than he thought and soon enough, it came time for Ghost to leave.

"This is my stop, Bug."

"Do you really have to go?"

"I do."

"Can I call you when I get home...?"

"I'd like that, yeah."

"Okay. I guess this... is goodbye then?"

"For now, yes. Goodbye, Roach." Ghost leaned in, lifting his balaclava, and kissed him before turning to hop off the helicopter.

Gary watched as he walked away, not looking back behind him, but that was just like Ghost. The only thing left to do was to wait out the ride home.


	3. Into the Ocean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got finished a lot faster than I thought it would, I've been on like a writing spree lately. Enjoy!

He set the keys down on the table by the door. Home sweet home, if it could even be called that. He was hardly ever home enough to use his apartment. He couldn't even remember the last time he had been back, always working, the way he preferred.

Walking into the kitchen, he checked the fridge, no food. Of course. Better than finding something spoiled or rotting though. He'd just get food later. Roach probably wouldn't be calling for a few hours. What to do until then? The whole apartment was dark, collecting dust from neglect. But he wouldn't open the windows, what was the point? Perhaps sleep was in order instead. Or reading.

All he could think about was practicing shooting again. He hadn't even been gone that long and already didn't know what to do with himself. Civilian life just wasn't meant for him. He hadn't wanted to go on leave. But Soap had said it would be good for him, "Everyone needs a break," and all that. It was bullshit, but here he was anyway.

So he went to the bedroom, took off his balaclava, and laid down. Maybe going with Roach would have been the better option, but there were just some things he wasn't ready for Roach to know about, if he ever wanted him to know about them. Surely living with him would bring them to the surface and he couldn't have that happen.

Roach was a good guy, that he knew. But who knows how he would deal with things. Who knew how long they'd even be together. He never had any long lasting relationships himself. Then again, he'd never wanted one, and didn't know if this would be any different. But Roach was sweet, and he liked that.

There was something about the way he got flustered that was endearing. Or maybe it was the way he could smile and still mean it. Roach seemed so innocent at times despite being a soldier. He'd never really known what that was like himself. A rough childhood quickly takes any innocence you might have had at one point.

He shrugged off the thought, leaving it for another day. For now, he was just tired. So when he closed his eyes, he left his mind clear. Sleep came later, it felt like he stayed awake for the longest time before finally being able to rest.

The only thing that had woken him up later was when his phone rang. Roach must have gotten home. Simon rubbed his eyes, glancing at his phone on the dresser to make sure it was Roach before answering.

"Hey, Bug."

"Hey, Ghost! I finally made it back. Rides are a lot slower when you're not traveling with anyone. I think I fell asleep on the way here though, but I'm still tired..."

He could hear Roach yawn as he said it. "Why don't you get some sleep then?"

"It's only six, I can't sleep. Gotta adjust to the time."

"If you insist."

"What time is it over there? I'm not calling too late am I?"

"It's uh..." He glanced at the clock on the dresser. "About two in the morning."

"Oh, oh no. Did I wake you up? I'm sorry! I forgot about timezones."

"It's fine. I slept earlier anyway."

"Ah, well that's good then. Where are you staying?"

"My apartment. It's a bit dustier than I remember."

"Are you sure you're going to be okay by yourself?"

"Roach, it's me. I'll be fine. I just haven't been back in a while."

"Okay... Tell me you have food though."

"... I will."

"What do you mean you will? Ghost, you have to have food!"

"I'll pick some up in the morning, don't worry. I think there still might be coffee somewhere." He didn't know how old it would be, but still.

"You can't live off coffee, Ghost. I thought you didn't like to drink it that much?"

"I can try. And only when I'm working." While he was no where near being the caffeine junkie that Soap was, there were many nights he'd stayed awake thanks to it.

"I swear you're so impossible sometimes..." Roach sighed.

"Impossible, but charming."

"Sometimes."

"You wound me so. With how much you blush I thought it'd be more often," he teased.

"Shut up!" There was silence for a while. The only thing to be heard was shuffling, Roach might have been unpacking. "Hey, Ghost? Do you have Skype?"

"No... What's that?"

"It's like a messaging program and it has video chat, so we'd be able to see each other. It's pretty useful. You have a computer, right?"

"Yeah, I have a computer. I'll check it out tomorrow."

"Sounds good. It'll be like a date. Sorta."

"Never had an internet date before."

"Neither have I. What time should we get on?"

"I think one your time, if you can. It'll be nine here." At least that way it wouldn't be too late or too early for either of them.

"I can do that. Ah... I should probably let you sleep now, huh?"

"I'm fine. You don't have to go."

"Are you sure? I might end up falling asleep anyway."

"I don't mind."

"Mm... Alright."

They talked for a little more before Roach stopped responding on the phone. Simon had dozed off a few times, but managed to stay mostly conscious.

"Roach? You still awake?"

Silence.

"Night, Bug."

He turned off his phone, putting it back on the dresser. It was late, but he didn't check the time. It took no time to fall asleep.

The next morning, he woke up early. He didn't know what to do. Civilian life was boring, foreign. There were no friends here to speak with, the closest thing he had was the 141. Family was out of the question. Although he was better off isolated, he hated being back.

He got up, heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth. First order of business would be getting food. If only he could wear his mask in public. That would only make people stare more than the scars themselves. Once he was dressed, he threw on a jacket, and was out the door.

The sky was overcast, maybe it would rain later. He took his time shopping, anything to make the time go by faster. Since he wasn't one to cook, packaged foods were the only thing on the list, maybe some fruit. All in all, he didn't end up buying much, but it would be enough for a few days. He never did like having to go out and shop.

On the way home, he thought about Roach. He had been thinking about him since he got back and when he had fallen asleep. It had been a surprisingly restful sleep at that. Was Roach sleeping right now? He very well could have been. By the time he got back, only an hour had passed. This would truly be a long day.

So he poured his cereal and opened one of the books he had left on the table. At least reading could keep him occupied for an hour or two. Perhaps he'd clean the apartment. It didn't matter to him if he did, but everything he would do now would be about passing time. After he had finished his book, he cleaned. The kitchen, the living room, the bathroom, the bedroom, everywhere, until there was nothing left to clean.

It had started to rain later in the day so he read by the window watching it fall on the city. Rain was his preferred type of weather. Cold, greyed, static in the background. He stayed there until evening, watching the people in the streets. When he checked the time on his phone, it was eight. Roach might call soon. He should also set up that Skype thing.

Simon brought his laptop back into the bedroom and turned it on once he got comfortable. As he was trying to think of a username, the phone rang.

"Hey."

"Hey! How was your day?"

"Kind of boring. It rained a lot though."

"Aw... Rain's not very fun though either, is it?"

"I like it. What did you do today?"

"Ah-ah, before I say anything, did you make a Skype?"

"I have it up now, but I can't think of a username."

"Oh yeah, that is always the hardest part. What have you tried?"

"Ghost."

"That's it? Ghost, you have to expect something like that to already be taken. Give me a minute to think."

He was going to say that he never really joined up for anything, but Roach responded again before he could.

"How about Ghostie, but with a three instead of an e?"

"Roach, that sounds stupid." He entered it in anyway.

"Well I'm just trying to help, geez. You can't change it after all."

It turned out Ghosti3 wasn't taken. The name was so stupid, too cutesy for his liking, so he went with it. He would never talk to anyone besides Roach on this thing anyway.

"Okay, I have it, now what?"

"I'll add you, what's your username?"

"... Ghostie."

"With a three?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you said it was stupid," he teased.

"It is, but I don't want to try to think of something else, it'll take too long."

"Alright, alright, accept my request then."

"Okay, done. Now what?"

"Now, you get off the phone and let me take care of the rest."

"Alright." There was a notification noise before he hung up so he clicked it.

 

_Ghost: So what do we do now?_

_Gary: Just give me a sex, you have a webcam right?_

_I meant sec!!! Don't read that._

_Ghost: Is this a booty call now?_

 

He couldn't help but chuckle.

 

_Gary: No! Just answer the question!_

_Ghost: Yeah, I have a webcam._

_Gary: Oh good, you can accept the video call then_

 

Another notification came up, but this time when he clicked it, it was Roach's face that greeted him. He had been fixing his hair before the webcam screen had come up.

"Hey, Ghost! Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, I can hear you." He'd never been so glad to see someone else's face.

"Oh good, I'm glad." Roach smiled.

"So, are you going to tell me how your day was now?"

"Oh! Right, right. Well, I saw some of my friends this morning, and I took a walk around the neighborhood, kinda tired me out though, but the fresh air's nice, you know? Umm... There was a cute dog too, but I don't know what kind it was, but I got to pet it."

"Sounds eventful so far."

"Yeah, I'm glad to be back. I mean, I like working with the team, don't get me wrong, but it's nice to get to unwind."

"It's good for you, make sure to rest up so you'll heal faster."

"Mm yeah, I know, and I will. Have anything planned tonight? Looks pretty dark there."

"Hm? Oh, let me turn on the light." He reached over to flick the switch, illuminating the room with a soft glow.

"Oh, yeah that's a lot better. Now I can see you."

"I keep the lights off to keep the bill low." Which wasn't true at all. He kept them off because he liked it better that way. No one would know he was home, no one would bother him.

"That's... really efficient. I never really thought about it like that." Roached tilted his head in thought before returning to his previous question. "So, got any plans?"

"Just you."

"Really?" He blushed a little.

"Yeah, is that so strange?"

"Ah, well— I mean, no, I guess I just kind of imagined you being a night owl on your own time."

"Well I am, but there's not much to do around here."

"Hmm... Surely there must be something. What does it look like outside? Is it still raining?"

"Well, let's check." He picked up the laptop and walked over to the window. No rain. "Hold on a minute." Resting the laptop on a small table, he opened the window, letting in the cool night air. When he picked the laptop back up, he turned it so it faced the window. "Can you see?"

"Woooow!"

He glanced over at the screen to see the amazement on Roach's face, and smiled. "So what do you think?"

"It's beautiful! I'm so jealous you get to live there. I bet it smells like rain too."

"Yeah, it does." He'd never really noticed that. "Maybe you can come visit sometime." He turned the computer back to him, sitting back on the bed.

"Really? That would be so cool!"

"I could show you around, there are some pretty nice places around here."

"You're so lucky. Everything around here is pretty much old news. I mean, I like it here because it's home, but still. I love seeing new places."

"It must be nice to have a place to call home though," he mused, looking up at the ceiling.

"You don't consider your apartment home?"

He glanced back at Roach. "Not really. I'm hardly ever here. I spend most of my time at military bases and with the 141."

"Ohh, I see. So... You're kind of away from home then, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, since you spend most of your time with the 141 they're kind of like family, aren't they?"

"Never really thought about it like that." He shrugged.

"Oh... Well, I bet they think of you like family. I don't know everyone as well as you do or for as long, but they seem the type to be there for you when you need them."

"We _are_ a team."

Roach just shook his head. "That's not what I mean. Like, I think they'd really be there for you if you needed them, you know?"

He nodded. Soap had been there for him often when he'd first joined. Yet even though they were close, he never considered himself to have family.

"Hey, Ghost...? Do you have family?"

"Not really. You said you were adopted though, right?"

"Oh yeah, there's my mom, dad, and I have a sister too. What happened to your family, if you don't mind me asking? Or are they just not around much?"

"Are they nice? How old is your sister?"

"Yeah, they're great. I think they're coming over in a week or two actually. It'll be good to see them again. And my sister turned twenty-one last year. Why?"

"Just curious. I bet she's not as cute as you."

"She is pretty cute, but uh... yeah— Anyway," he began again, sounding flustered by the compliment, "Do you have any siblings?"

"Hold on, I have to piss." Without waiting for Roach to reply, he got up and headed to the bathroom. He leaned on the counter, gripping it tightly. Why wouldn't he stop asking those questions? It made it hard to avoid, but his family was one thing he never talked about. He didn't like to. "Just breathe..." he told himself. So he took a deep breath and went back out.

"Welcome back!" Roach greeted.

"Thanks."

There was silence.

"Ghost?"

"Hm?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, why?"

"It's just... I'm sorry for asking those questions."

"It's fine."

"Are you sure? I know you like your privacy, but I'd also like to know you better..."

He could see him shifting uncomfortably. "It's fine to ask if it's fine that I don't always answer."

"Yeah, that's fine." A small smile had returned to his face.

They continued to talk late into the night about small things until it came to a point where Simon had started falling asleep. Eventually, he did, still listening to Roach.

When he woke up the next morning, there was a message from Roach on his screen from the night before.

 

_Gary: Goodnight Ghost :)_

_You're pretty cute when you sleep btw_

_Not that I was watching you_

 

He could only look at it and smile. And the more time he spent talking to Roach, more often than not, he found himself smiling. His days were boring still, nothing had changed that, but he looked forward to the nights, even if Roach couldn't get on every time, or sometimes very late. It was worth it.

When about a week had passed however, he decided it was time for a change. A change of scenery would do him good anyway. He packed his bag, leaving his apartment once more.


	4. What if We Could

That afternoon when he logged into Skype, Ghost wasn't on. It was strange, he'd always been on before. Maybe he finally found something to do? But it would've been late at night... It wouldn't surprise him if he'd gone on a walk in the middle of the night though. Still, he couldn't help but wonder. Maybe if he tried calling him?

He called, hoping Ghost would pick up.

"Ah, Roach, perfect timing, what's your address?"

"What are— Wait. What?" He felt so confused.

"Your address. You know, where you live?"

"Why do you need my address?" Was he going to send a letter or something?

"I have my reasons. Will you tell me?"

"Yeah... Sure." So he told him, though he still had no idea what Ghost was up to.

"Thanks, Bug. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Uh, yeah?"

Then Ghost hung up, leaving Gary to sit and wonder what the hell was going on. He thought about calling back to ask, but decided against it. What ever Ghost was up to would just have to wait. Now the question was, should he go on a walk or clean the apartment? With a quick glance around he determined that the apartment was in fact not that messy, and decided to head out for a bit.

It was a nice day out, warm weather, but with a nice breeze. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of nearby Jasmine. There was nothing better than a walk in perfect weather. Since time had passed, his wounds were feeling much better, and he had plans to go back to the 141 by the end of the third week. He wanted to make sure that he was healed up enough. Plus, that gave him enough time to see his family before he left again.

By the time he got back home it was half past four. There wasn't much he had wanted to do today. Despite it being so nice out, today felt like one of those lazy days. Though he still wondered why Ghost had wanted his address. It was all very strange. But no sooner than when he grabbed a bottled water out of the fridge, there was a knock on the door.

"Well now who could that be...?" His family wasn't due to come over yet. That is unless they decided to come early. Even for them, this would be too ahead of schedule. Nonetheless, he went to the door and opened it. "Hel— Oh! Oh my god. Ghost!? What are you doing here?" He nearly dropped his water. His first instinct was to hug him, but he had no idea if Ghost would like that, so he stood in the door looking as though he were ready to bounce off the walls with excitement. No, he couldn't just stand there, he had to. He would.

"I thought I'd surprise y—"

Gary almost knocked Ghost over in his enthusiasm to hug him. "I can't believe your here!" It was too good to be true.

"I didn't want you getting lonely." Ghost smiled.

"Ohh is that so? And here I thought maybe you had changed your mind that my idea was a good one after all," he replied, in a playful sarcastic tone.

"Alright, alright, it was a good idea."

"Mhm, I told you so."

"Do I get to come in?"

"Hm? Oh, right, right, yeah, come on in." He let go of Ghost and gestured for him to come in.

"This is a nice place," Ghost commented, wandering into the living room.

"Thanks!" It was so strange that Ghost was in his home. Even though they were in a casual setting, Ghost still gave off the vibe of a superior. It could've just been because he never actually imagined Ghost being... normal, for lack of a better word.

"This your family?" He pointed to a picture on the end table.

"Sure is! We took that one last year." It was taken while he was off duty. Something to remember them by.

"It's nice."

"Yeah, they're going to be here later this week too, maybe you can meet them."

Gary watched as Ghost's face visibly paled.

"Uh... Yeah, maybe." Everything about his tone said no.

"Well, I think they'd like you. I mean you're strong, smart, sarcastic," he joked.

"Very funny. I just... Wouldn't that be a little weird?"

"Why would it be weird? They already know about you." Had Ghost thought he hadn't told them?

"They do?"

"Of course they do. They know pretty much everything important that happens in my life."

"Oh."

"Is that okay?" Should he not have told them? He figured it would've been fine since they'd been seeing each other for a while now.

"Yeah, it's fine. They aren't... expecting to meet me though, are they?"

"Nope. They're not, so don't worry, okay?" He gave a reassuring smile. "Oh, but ah... Ghost? Where are you staying? Do you have a hotel or...?"

"Yeah, I do. Why?"

"I was just going to say if you didn't then you could stay here for the night." He wouldn't mind at all, though he wasn't sure if he'd make Ghost sleep on the couch or let him share the bed. The couch had more space, but still...

"Does the offer still stand if it's not for tonight?" He turned to look at him with a smug grin on his face.

"A-ah, yeah, of course. You're welcome here anytime." Gary blushed a little, shuffling his feet.

"I'll be sure to remember that," Ghost replied, sitting down on the couch and letting out a sigh.

"Tired?" He came up behind him, leaning on the back of the couch.

"Yeah, it was a long flight, but I'm not sleeping so don't even suggest it."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Instead, he placed his hands on Ghost's shoulders, beginning to massage him.

"... What are you doing?" Ghost looked up at him, confused.

"I thought since you had a long day I could help relax you."

"You don't have to do that you know..."

"I know. But now you're in my house and you're my guest... and my boyfriend." The last words were quiet, he'd never actually said it out loud before.

"Well, when you put it like that."

He could feel Ghost relax and lean into his hands. This was the first time he'd ever seen him look so relaxed. His eyes were closed, with his head rested. The only thing that kept him from thinking that he was asleep was a small grunt when he massaged in between his shoulders.

"Feel good?"

"Mm... Fuck yeah..."

A few minutes passed with them like that, until Ghost became so relaxed that he did, in fact, fall asleep like he said he wouldn't.

"You've had a very long day haven't you?" Gary bent over and kissed the top of Ghost's head. Then he walked over, sitting beside him. "That's okay, you can sleep, and I'll keep you company." He snuggled up next to him and turned on the TV. Thank goodness there were no Russian channels.

It was a couple hours before Ghost woke up, stretching as he did, and apologizing for falling asleep. Though it was really no trouble. When he had gotten home himself, he nearly passed out once he laid in bed. Ghost didn't stay long after that, saying it was best for him to get back to the hotel. Gary would've liked it if he could have stayed longer, but understood. He did, however, ask Ghost if he'd like to get coffee in the morning. He said yes.

So the next morning, that's exactly what they did.

"How the hell can you drink something that sugary? You're going to rot your teeth."

"It's not that sugary, besides, you drink your coffee black, that's gross. What if you actually like normal coffee? You won't even try it." Gary gave him a look as he sucked his coffee through a straw. Starbucks was heaven.

"Bug, this is normal coffee, black. Nothing fancy, no sugar. Just coffee as nature intended."

"I think nature intended sugar and syrup." Nothing could convince him otherwise. "You sure you don't want to try it?" he asked, waving it in front of Ghost.

"If I do, you have to take a sip of mine."

"Hmm..." What were the downsides of this? One, black coffee was nasty. That was it. He could be giving Ghost the best tasting coffee of his entire life, surely worth the risk. "Okay, deal, here." They traded coffees, but he waited for Ghost to try his first.

Ghost took a sip, scrunching his face afterward. "That is absolutely disgusting."

"Is not!" Gary pouted. Perhaps Ghost didn't have proper taste buds after drinking so much of the coffee back at base.

"Your turn now, a deal's a deal."

"Yeah, yeah I know." He gave it a sniff before glancing back at Ghost, beginning to regret this deal already.

"Go on."

With a moment more of hesitation, he took a sip. So bitter. "This is so gross. Here, have it back." He'd rather drink something laden with sugar than not. They switched back to their respective coffees, but shortly after Roach asked, "Do you drink tea?"

"Are you asking that just because I'm British?"

"... No." He was. Didn't most people over there drink tea? Or was that not actually a thing?

Ghost eyed him suspiciously. "Not usually."

"But you do?"

"Sometimes."

Just as he thought. They must all drink tea to some degree.

"Stop staring..."

His eyes darted away from Ghost as they continued walking. "Soo," Gary trailed off. "Do you like dogs?"

"Yeah, dogs are nice. A little needy though."

"What about cats?"

"I suppose."

"I like them too, but they make me sneeze, so I can't be around them too much." It was a shame too, kittens were adorable. "Do you like snakes?"

"No."

"How come?"

"Bad experience."

He nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. I think they're kinda cute though. They're like... hairless dogs."

"What the fuck kind of dogs have you seen Roach?"

"Cute ones." Definitely not a snake kind of guy. "Where'd you grow up?"

"Manchester. You?"

"Oregon. Though I think I like it better here. It's warmer."

"I don't really like warm weather."

"Maybe it's because you wear black all the time."

"I like black."

"Mm..."

Throughout the rest of the day they talked. Still small talk, but it was something. He wasn't sure how to get Ghost to open up more about himself, or even if he could. Ghost was so guarded and so careful about what he said. Maybe it would just take more time.

The next night, Gary invited Ghost over for take-out and movie watching. He decided to let Ghost pick the movie, and of course, he went with a horror one. It was one of the scary ones too, much to his dismay.

"Are you sure you want to watch this one...?"

"You scared already?" Ghost teased.

"I'm not scared!" he protested.

"Alright, if you say so."

But as the movie progressed, Gary moved closer to Ghost, eventually clinging to his arm. He didn't really like horror movies, they made him jumpy.

"Are you really scared of this?"

"No! I just... It's creepy... That's all." He'd be lucky if he could sleep tonight. As a monster lunged at someone from around a corner, he jumped again.

"Roach, you're Special Forces, how are you afraid of this?"

"I didn't say I was afraid!"

"Bug."

"... I'm not." It was the least convincing argument.

"It's okay, I'll protect you from the scary monsters." Ghost pressed a kiss to his head.

"Does that mean you can stay tonight?" He didn't want to be home alone after this, even if it was silly.

"Yes, I can stay tonight." Ghost smiled, shaking his head.

"Okay, good." That was a relief.

After the horror movie was over, and Gary was petrified, they put a different movie on, a movie about giant spiders from space. They both laughed at how bad it was. Who thought up stuff like that anyway? They stayed up late into the night, falling asleep in each other's arms on the couch.

The next time Ghost came over was the day after. It also happened to be the day that his parents had decided to drop by and visit. So when he told Ghost his parents were there too, it looked like he wanted to high tail it out of there.

"You can still come in! They'd love to meet you."

"I don't know... I don't think I should."

"Why not? They won't bite!" And he had already told them if he did come over, not to ask any questions that were too personal. He wanted them to make a good impression.

"I'm not good with people, Roach."

"I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit, I mean sure you're a little rough around the edges, but you're a good guy! Come on Ghost, please?" He was practically begging him to come inside, even if just for a little bit.

"Fine. Alright, but I'm not staying long."

"That's fine, I can introduce you at least." Gary had the biggest grin on his face. His boyfriend finally meeting the family, it was kind of a big deal. "Come on." Gary grabbed Ghost's hand and dragged him inside. "Mom, Dad, sis, there's someone I want you to meet."

They were all hanging out in the kitchen, so he stepped aside so they could see Ghost clearly.

"Everyone, this is Gh— Simon. Simon, this is everyone."

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Joana," Gary's mom said, stepping closer to shake Ghost's hand. "And this is my husband, Chris, and my daughter Emily."

Ghost shook the rest of their hands, and while he didn't look uncomfortable, Gary was pretty certain that he was. Nevertheless, he sat with them afterwards. They talked a little about how they met and how long they'd been together. Gary's father was interested in what Ghost's favorite part of his job was, which he happily answered, being the adrenaline.

"That sounds so dangerous! Have you ever thought about changing to a safer job?" Joana asked.

"Changing? No. I wouldn't trade my job for anything."

"Have you ever been in serious danger before? Like, have you almost died?" Emily asked.

"Emily! You shouldn't just ask something like that."

"No, it's fine. Yeah, there's been a few times, but it comes with the job."

"Isn't that scary?"

"Not really. There's not time to be scared."

"You're so brave!" Emily seemed to be in awe of how casual Ghost was with everything.

It was surprising how smoothly everything went. His parents didn't ask anything too personal, and Ghost almost seemed to have gotten comfortable. It wasn't too much longer before Ghost said he had to leave though.

So while they were standing by the doorway, Gary said, "Thank you for staying so long. You didn't have to do that."

"Yeah, I know, but they seem nice. You can let me know if I made a good impression." After a pause he leaned in and kissed him. "I'll see you later."

Gary nodded, grinning like an idiot before going back inside.

"Ooooh look at Gary's face! He's blushing!" Emily teased.

"Shut up, Emily! I am not." He probably was, but he would deny it with all his being.

"He seems nice," his mother commented. "He's very quiet though... Is he always like that?"

"Pretty much. Why?"

"No reason. Gary, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Yeah, sure." That couldn't be good. Words like that were never good, especially from your parents. He could feel the inner dread building already. He followed his mom into the kitchen.

"How much do you know about Simon?"

Straight to the point. At least that wasn't much to worry about, unless there was more. "Well, I mean, I don't know much about his past, but I swear he's a good person, so you don't have to worry, okay?" He knew she would worry anyway, that's what moms do.

"Alright. You know I believe you. It's just... If there are things he's not telling you, I'm just afraid of what those things might be."

"Mom, it's okay. Whatever it is, and whatever his reasons, it doesn't matter. When he's ready, he'll let me know."

She sighed softly. "If you're really sure."

"I am."

"Gary, do you love him?"

"W-what? Love him? I... I don't know. Can't we talk about something else?" He shuffled his feet, looking at the ground. While he did enjoy Ghost's company, and he did like him, he had no idea if he loved him yet.

"Oh all right, I guess I won't torment you anymore." She smiled, walking back into the living room.

 

That night, Gary called Ghost so they could talk for a little while before bed.

"So... What'd they say?"

"Are you worried they didn't like you?" Gary asked.

"No... Well, maybe a little."

He snickered. "And here I thought you were badass."

"I _am_ badass, but that doesn't mean I don't care. Stop laughing."

"Sorry, sorry, it's just... cute."

"... But did they like me?"

"Yes, they all liked you."

"That's a relief."

"You were really that worried?"

"Well, I mean, have you seen me? I look fucked up, Roach."

"I wouldn't say that. Besides, I think they could care less about what you look like. They just wanted to see how you were as a person."

"That's not much better."

"Ghost, you're a good person."

"Not really."

"I haven't seen anything to prove otherwise, so as far as I'm concerned, you are."

There was only silence on the other end.

"Hey, Ghost? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just tired."

"I'll let you sleep then, night Ghost."

"Night."

The next day, Gary invited Ghost over since his parents weren't there. They could only visit for a little while, and he'd be going back to work in a few days. But for now, he was there with Ghost, laying in bed, snuggled up against him.

"Wouldn't it be great if we didn't have to go back to war?" Gary mused.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean if everything could just stay normal, like this."

"I don't think I'd know what to do with myself."

"Really? I think it'd be great to go back to civilian life, I mean, I'm glad to do the work we do, and I got to meet you, but I miss feeling safe and my parents worry a lot, you know? Why wouldn't you know what to do with yourself?"

Ghost shrugged. "I'd have too much time on my hands."

Gary laughed. "Oh is that it? I think I can keep you busy." He shifted, sitting on top of Ghost and giving him a kiss.

"Mmm," Ghost hummed in reply.

When Gary had pulled back, Ghost looked a little lost in thought. Too much thought, not enough kissing back. "Something wrong?"

"Hm? No, it's nothing." He shook his head, leaning to kiss him back.

They spent the rest of the morning tangled in each other, enjoying the last few peaceful days before they'd be gone again.

It was the night after that Ghost had called him again. He wasn't expecting him to call, but it was a pleasant surprise anyway.

"Hey!" he greeted, just about to get in bed.

"Hey, it's not too late to call is it?"

"No, it's fine. It's not like you to call so late. What's up?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you."

"Oh, anything in particular?" He shuffled under the covers to get comfortable.

"Not really... It gets quiet here. You could hear a pin drop."

"It's quiet here too, but at least there's cars, dead silence is a little much. I thought you liked it quiet though."

"I do, I just..." There was a pause before he finished. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, but you know, since we work together we'll see a lot of each other."

"Yeah."

"Ghost, are you sure nothing's wrong?" He couldn't put a finger on it, but something was off.

"Yes, Bug, everything's fine. You worry a lot, don't you?"

"I don't... Okay, maybe a little, I guess I get that from my mom."

"That would make sense."

"Yeah, but she means well, and so do I."

"Bug, honestly, I'm fine. Can't we talk about something else?"

He sighed. "Alright, alright. Hmm... What's your room like?"

"It's like a normal room. There's a bed. There aren't any tiny yous scuttling around so I'd say it's half decent."

"... Tiny mes?"

"Yeah, you know, roaches. They're your children aren't they?"

"That's not funny!"

"It's kind of funny."

"Hmph! See if I stay up with you now..."

"You know you will."

"Yeah, okay, I will, but still."

And so he did.

The next day, he heard nothing from Ghost. Gary called a couple times, but he never picked up. Maybe he'd just been busy, or out. They were going to be leaving the next day after all. It was just how Ghost was, maybe he wanted to be alone for a while. Even still, he was a little worried. It could have just been his imagination, but it felt like something was wrong, that Ghost wasn't telling him something. He had no idea what it could be.

The day passed as it usually did and in no time night had fallen, and he'd gone to sleep. In the middle of the night however, he heard his phone ring and woke up. He groaned, fumbling a hand on top of the side table for his phone.

"Hello...?"

All he could hear on the other end was breathing.

"Is anyone there?"

"Roach?"

"Ghost? Why are you calling so late?" He didn't even know what time it was. Time to be asleep for sure.

"Roach, give up on me."

"What? Ghost, what are you talking about? Are you okay?" He sat up.

"No, I'm not fucking okay... Fuck."

"Ghost... Just stay there okay? Are you at your hotel?" He was already getting out of bed to get dressed.

"I don't want you here. Don't come..."

"Ghost, just stay put, okay?" Thankfully Ghost had told him where he was staying before. Something was wrong, he had to be there. In no time, he grabbed his keys and was out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm giving you guys a cliff hanger. Enjoy ;)


	5. Hate Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got done a lot quicker than expected. The next chapter will probably be a short one too, but we're almost at the halfway point!

Gary drove as fast as he could to the hotel, more of a motel, it looked like the kind people got murdered in honestly. But now wasn't the time to think about that. What was his room number again? As he got out of the car, he took a moment to think. Was it room 59? Yeah, that was the one. He walked along the covered entryway of the rooms, glancing quickly at the numbers until he found the one he was looking for. It was at the end of the building, away from everyone else.

"Ghost? Ghost can you hear me? Open the door!" He pounded hard, hoping to get his attention. "Ghost! Please, at least answer me!" He jiggled the handle, it was open.

Stepping in quickly, he looked around, but Ghost was no where in sight. There were shards of broken glass on the floor though. What had happened here? He walked over the glass careful, right now it didn't matter what happened, he just needed to find Ghost. The only place left to look was the bathroom.

"Ghost, are you in... here?" As he peered around the corner, Ghost came into view, looking worse for wear. His feet were bloody, his arm was bloody, he was just sitting against the tub on the floor. "Ghost...? What happened? Are you okay?"

"I thought I told you not to fucking come..." Ghost was quiet, not looking at him.

"I was worried... You sounded really upset." He knelt down by Ghost.

"I'm not upset, I'm fine, go away." The words were forced.

It was clear now that Ghost was drunk, he could smell it from being so close. So the glass must have been smashed bottles. "Ghost... let me help you get cleaned up okay?" He reached out a hand to inspect the wounds on his arm first.

"Don't touch me!" Ghost snapped, swatting his hand away.

"Ghost, I just want to help, it's okay."

"Why don't you hate me...?" he asked. It was almost a whisper.

"Hate you? Why would I hate you?"

"You don't know... You don't know how fucked up I am, do you? What I've done? You don't have a fucking clue. Roach, I'm no good for you." Though his voice was even, his fists were clenched and shaking.

"Don't say that, you don't know that. You're drunk. Just let me help." He reached out again, but once more Ghost pushed him away. With another effort, he tried to hold Ghost, but he struggled, trying to do whatever he could to escape his grasp.

"Just leave me alone!"

"I'm not going to leave you, not like this. You're talking nonsense."

"Let me fucking go, Roach!" He shoved Gary off of him, finally lifting his head to look at him. His eyes were red like he'd been crying for a long time, like he was in too much pain.

Gary got back up, gripping Ghost again as he struggled to keep him off. "Ghost— Ghost, stop!" But he wouldn't. "Simon!" he shouted, just wanting him to listen. This time he did stop.

Ghost just stared at him for a moment or two before breaking down into tears. "Fuuck..." He brought his hands to his eyes, curling in on himself. "Why won't it go away? Make it go away..." he sobbed.

"It's okay, Simon... I'm here... shh..." Gary pulled Ghost's head to his chest, running his fingers through his dark hair. They stayed like that until Ghost pulled away, wiping the tears from his eyes, being quiet once more. "Will you let me help you?"

"I'm fine..."

Despite his claim, Gary went to get a towel and bandages. When he came back, Ghost hadn't moved at all and was staring absently at the floor.

"It might sting a little, okay?"

But Ghost didn't reply.

Carefully, he took his arm, running the damp cloth over it gently. It looked like he had cut himself with glass. The lines were too even and straight to be an accident. How could he not have known that Ghost was hurting so much? He wrapped his arm up then went to start pulling the glass out of his feet. It looked like it really hurt, but Ghost didn't even flinch. If he weren't for his breathing he'd look dead.

"Just let me know if it hurts too much, okay?" It didn't look like most of them were too deep which was good. There were a few though that had gotten embedded deeper. Soon enough, all the glass was out and his feet were bandaged. "I should probably get you into bed..." He glanced out the bathroom, looking at the bed.

"Just leave..."

"Ghost, I already told you, I'm not leaving. Do you think you can stand?"

"I don't care."

"Well, we'll try anyway. Come on." Gary wrapped an arm around Ghost, lifting him slowly.

Ghost winced once he was up on his feet, leaning on Gary for support.

"Don't worry, it's not too far." He went slow so Ghost wouldn't have to step too far. There was still glass on the floor, but what ever shards were in front of them, Gary kicked away with his shoe. Once Ghost was on the bed, he laid down and curled up, facing away from him.

While Ghost was in bed, he picked up the stray glass pieces, putting them in a nearby trashcan. He didn't want to risk the chance that he'd step on them in the morning. When he was done, he sat on the edge of the bed. "Ghost, are you asleep?" Gary placed a hand on his arm, but Ghost moved away.

"Roach... Leave."

He shook his head. "I don't want to leave you like this... Can't I help?" He wanted to do something, anything really. Cleaning wounds he could do, but there was more than that that had to be dealt with.

"No."

"Are you s—"

"I don't want you here."

"Ghost..."

"I don't want to see you when I wake up. Don't be here in the morning."

It hurt. He wanted to say something, but he wouldn't. He couldn't. The words stuck in his throat. He wanted to help, he wanted to stay. But if leaving Ghost to sleep off his drunkenness was what he wanted, then he'd go. "I'll... See you later then." He got up and walked to the door, pausing a moment to look back at him. "Take care, Ghost."

After the door was shut, he leaned against it, taking a deep breath. He didn't mean what he said, surely he couldn't have. That wasn't the Ghost he knew... was it? No, no, he was drunk. He was upset. Had he done something wrong? He couldn't think of what could have caused this. Had Ghost had something on his mind this whole time? He had no idea, but his chest felt heavy and his throat tight.

"Just breathe..." Of all things he didn't want to cry.

When he got home, he went straight to bed. It was about six in the morning, and he was tired. But when he laid in bed, all he could do was stare at the ceiling. The feeling in his chest persisted, insisting that this was somehow his fault. His fault for not noticing, or his fault for pushing too much. Maybe everything would be fine in the morning, but then there was also the chance that it wouldn't be.

And what if it wasn't?

"Shit..." Tears welled up in his eyes as he tried his best to blink them back, but they wouldn't stop. He didn't know what to do. He thought that when Ghost was ready he'd just tell him about things, he didn't expect this to happen, so what was he supposed to do? All he could do right now was wait, wait until morning, and hope he would hear from Ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to hate me now


	6. Let It Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be longer, probably. Enjoy as always!

He didn't know when he woke up. It didn't matter. He didn't care. The sun shone through the curtains, but it only hurt his eyes. It was too bright. He had a headache to boot. There was an ache in his feet from the night before, but he deserved it. Why the fuck did he do that?

Always a fuck up, even now. Some things just never change. Roach deserved better than him. He deserved someone good, who could be there completely and not stuck in their own head. There were just some days he couldn't escape the past and last night was one of them. He hadn't wanted to take it out on Roach, but he did. This would all be for the better.

As he sat up, he ran his hands through his hair. He shouldn't have said those things. He shouldn't have told him he wanted him gone.

"Fucking shit..."

On the side table was his phone, and picking it up, he checked it. Roach had messaged him several times asking if he was okay and if they were okay. But he couldn't respond. He didn't want to. He was better off alone as he'd always been, as he should be. He knew he hurt Roach though. He just wanted what was best for him, right?

Roach wouldn't be able to understand. Or maybe he would if he gave him the chance, but there were very few people who actually knew about him, that knew who he was and where he came from. There were few he could trust. Really the only one besides his own family, was Soap. There had been times were he couldn't keep his head straight, but Soap was there for him. He helped.

So he called Soap.

"Hello?"

"Soap?"

"Yeah, Ghost, why are you calling? It's late."

"Sorry. I can call later."

"No, you don't call without good reason. What is it?"

"... It's Roach."

"Did something happen?"

"I really messed up Soap."

"What happened Ghost?"

"I pushed him away..."

"So apologize."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because he's better off without me."

"Did he say that? Or is that just what you think?"

He didn't answer.

"Look, Roach cares about you, it's obvious. Just apologize, I'm sure he'll understand. But if you decide to nothing, that's your choice. You have a good thing going Ghost, you can't be afraid to let people in."

"Yeah. Thanks Soap, I gotta go."

He shut off his phone, sighing. He knew Soap was right. If he wanted anything to work he'd have to let him in, but it was hard and he didn't like it. It made him feel too vulnerable, like when everyone could see his face. He'd rather hide behind his mask and stay away from the world. He'd already done that for so long he didn't know how to behave any other way.

There was no fixing him. He was damaged. Who would want to deal with that? All he was was a burden to others who tried to get close. Things were better this way. Better that he was alone. He'd been telling himself that for so long that he truly believed it. He didn't even get lonely anymore, he hadn't in a long time.

If Roach stayed with him, he'd surely get hurt one way or another and he didn't want that. He never did. Last night was bad enough, there was no need to make things worse, so he would just end things now. Maybe he'd go away for a while, get assigned somewhere where Roach wasn't, disappear from the world. It wouldn't be the first time he'd ever dropped contact with everyone.

He'd leave today, maybe he'd see Roach again, but for now he didn't want to, he couldn't. He couldn't stand to think that Roach had seen him like that. It was embarrassing. He wasn't a child anymore, there was no reason to cry, what happened happened, and there was nothing that could change it.

As he was about to get up, his phone vibrated again. Roach.

 

_Bug: I know I already messaged you... a lot. But I wanted to make sure you're okay. Are you okay? Ghost, please tell me you're okay. It doesn't have to be anything long, just a yes would do. I know you don't want to talk to me._

_Are you there?_

 

Simon turned off his phone. If he ignored it, it wouldn't matter. He lived without Roach before, and he could do it again. Even still he wasn't sure if he wanted to. Roach's happiness was more important though. He would do what he had to. If it meant walking away, he would. In the end it would save him more pain. Roach should be happy.

"Guess I should get packing." And so he rose from the bed, to do just that.


	7. Congratulations

It had been a week since he'd heard from Ghost. Before he left he had messaged him a few more times hoping for anything. But no matter what he sent or what he said, there was no reply. It was like Ghost dropped off the face of the earth, and he started to blame himself for it even though he knew that it wasn't really his fault. It felt like it.

He figured if he gave Ghost some space then surely he'd come back, but he didn't. When he got back to base he had been greeted by Captain MacTavish and Price, but Ghost was nowhere, he never came back. None of them knew where he went. It was strange without him. Everyone else went on about their business as if it were nothing unusual, and it made him wonder if this had happened before. He didn't want to ask, thinking it wasn't his place.

There was one day, however, where Captain MacTavish pulled him aside to talk, which made him incredibly nervous. Was he in trouble for something? He tried to recount all he had done that week as he sat down, waiting for him to speak.

"Roach, is everything okay?"

"What?" Not what he was expecting, but he could assume he wasn't in trouble for something at least.

"You've seemed a bit... distracted this week. I don't want to pry, your business is your business, but..." He paused. "Does this have anything to do with Ghost?"

He stayed silent, looking at the floor. "I'm sorry. I'll focus more, it won't be a problem."

"That's not what I'm worried about. Roach, you're a good soldier, I know you can handle yourself. You've just been so quiet since you came back, everyone's been wondering what's going on with you."

Gary took a moment before speaking. "Have you heard anything from him? He won't talk to me..."

"I haven't heard from him either, sorry. I wouldn't worry about him though."

"Has he done this before?" He may as well ask while the topic presented itself.

"A few times, when he first came to us. He settled down after a while. It's kind of his way of dealing with things, don't take it personally."

"... But what if this was all my fault?" He looked up at the captain, frowning.

"It's not. Ghost has his own problems that he needs to deal with, he'll come back when he's ready."

"You think so?"

"I know so. And when he does, I'll give him an earful for pulling this shit again."

Gary smiled. "So I really shouldn't worry about him?"

"Nah, he's a tough one. He'll be fine." He patted him on the back before standing. "Well, get up, we're not being paid to sit around on our asses."

"Yes, Sir!"

It took a few more days for Gary to get back into a normal routine, but he managed well enough. It felt good being back with everyone even if there were some things he hadn't missed, such as the awful tar coffee and single Russian channel.

He trained more. His aim improved, he even became pretty good at knife fighting. Probably still not good enough to take down Ghost, but better than when he first got there, that was certain. When he had woken up the next day, there was someone new at the base. Some blond guy. Gary was curious, but he was casual about it, lingering within earshot to hear Captain MacTavish speak with him.

His name was Steve Clairson. It sounded like he was American too, he couldn't hear any accents on him. At least now Gary wouldn't be the only one. When he heard them stop speaking he decided to walk down the hall to pretend like he wasn't listening, but he only managed to walk into the new guy.

"Oh, sorry about... that..." He looked up at him, backing away. The new guy was tall. He had at least five inches on him, not as tall as Ghost, but still.

"Ah, no it's my fault, I should look where I'm going more." He gave a sheepish grin. "I'm Steve by the way." He held out his hand.

"Gary. It's nice to meet you." He shook his hand.

"So... What do you guys do around here when you're not out on missions anyway?" Steve asked.

"We train mostly, but some of the others read and stuff."

"Sounds eventful."

"Mm, I guess. What brings you here anyway?" He asked, starting to walk down the hall.

"Got reassigned. I'll be helping out around here for a while, few months at best probably. Glad to see everyone's pretty friendly." Steve followed him.

"Yeah, they are." He smiled. "So are you going to be on our team or...?"

"Me? No. I'm more for... odd jobs and stealth missions. That sort of thing."

Gary nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. I hope you enjoy your time here."

"Thank you. I think I will." He grinned. "I'll see you around, Gary."

 

Over the next couple months they saw a lot of each other, and his messages to Ghost became less and less until he stopped altogether. They'd often train and hang out when they weren't busy. It was nice to have company again. On this particular day, he had been walking with Steve throughout the base, killing time really. He was supposed to leave in a few hours on a mission.

"Hey, Gary?"

"Hm?" He paused, turning to look at Steve.

"I was wondering if... ah..." He glanced away from him, rubbing the back of his head. "Can I kiss you? Is that weird to ask...?"

Gary blushed. "Y-yeah, you can," he answered quietly.

They were a bit hesitant at first, no one was around though, which made things easier. The kiss was quick, nervous. Like one you'd give to your first date at the end of the night. When they pulled away, Steve was practically beaming.

"If you don't mind me saying, you're really cute."

"O-oh, thank you."

"Is that too forward? I'm sorry. I'm not really good at the whole flirting thing."

Gary laughed. "No, no, you're fine." It was nice actually. Someone who wasn't afraid to express themselves, to say how they feel. It was a good change, maybe a change that he needed. He leaned up for a brief moment to kiss him on the cheek.

"What was that for?" Steve looked a little confused by the gesture.

"I haven't laughed in a while."

"Oh, well, I'm glad I could help with that then. It'd be kind of weird to see you unhappy."

He shrugged. "Things happen, but... I'm glad you're around."

"Yeah, me too. Maybe if I'm lucky I can stay around longer."

Gary smiled. "I hope so too."

When Steve left later, Gary sat on his bed. It had been a while since he had checked his phone so he picked it up to see if Ghost had read his messages, but he hadn't. He figured that would be the case, but part of him still hoped that he would read them.

Even though he was becoming happier again, it still hurt with what happened with Ghost. He couldn't shake it from his mind no matter how deep he put the thoughts. Would he ever come back? And if he did, what would he even say to him? Could he say anything at all, or would he just avert his eyes and try to go on as normal? Fuck if he knew.

He flopped back, running his hands over his face. It was complicated. No, Ghost was complicated. And if he never saw him again then he'd never get the chance to understand why he did and said what he did. "Where did you go...?"

Gary stared at the ceiling for a long time, lost in thought until he fell asleep sprawled out on his bed. Over the next week, Steve and him had started dating, though it wasn't too noticeable by anyone on base. Things still continued as normal, just with a few more stolen glances and kisses while no one was looking. It made him happy, like things were getting better and like not knowing everything wouldn't matter too much in the end. Sometimes it was better to just try and let things go.

There came a time, however, when Gary saw something that was like an arrow into his heart, and all the happiness he had been feeling up to that point was mixed in with hurt and a certain unease. It was Ghost. He sat at his usual spot in the cafeteria, drinking coffee as he always had in the morning, like he'd never been gone. He stood there, frozen still.

Should he say something? Ghost probably already knew he was there. Standing would just make it awkward, at least for him. So he got his coffee and took it elsewhere. His heart was beating fast by the time he sat down. When had he gotten there? He had become so used to the idea that he'd never see him again that he didn't know how he would feel if he did.

He felt nervous. What if Ghost tried to talk to him? A knot began to form in the pit of his stomach. He had wanted to talk to Ghost all this time and now that the opportunity presented itself, he didn't feel ready to face him yet. Did that make him a coward? Maybe a little.

"Roach."

Gary jumped, nearly spilling his coffee. Ghost. "Y-yes, Sir?" He stood up straight, too nervous to move much.

Ghost was quiet for a moment as if searching for words. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course, what is it?" He held onto his cup tightly, feeling like he'd throw up if the conversation went on for much longer.

"About that ni—"

"Oh, there you are!" Steve's voice came from around the corner and soon he stood by Gary. "I don't know why you get up so early..." He paused. "Ah, sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"A-ah, no! Steve, this is Ghost. Ghost, Steve." Gary quickly introduced them. This was starting to feel like a bad dream.

"So you're Ghost? I've heard a lot about you. Good to finally meet you." He held out his hand for Ghost to shake which, much to Gary's surprise, he did.

"Steve... Could you give us a minute?" Gary asked.

"Sure thing."

When Steve had left, they stood in silence.

"He seems nice."

"He is."

"Are you two... dating?"

Gary nodded. "It's nothing too serious, but it's nice."

"That's good." Ghost glanced at the ground and then back to Gary. "Are you happy?"

"Yeah, yeah I think so." He thought it was an odd question though it really shouldn't have been.

"I'm glad." Another pause. "I should get going, work to do."

"Right, yeah." Gary shook his head a little, dissipating several thoughts that had formed in his head. But as Ghost turned to leave, he added, "It's good to see you again, Ghost." Then he headed in the direction Steve went and the day continued on as normal.

Every morning now when Gary woke up, he saw Ghost. It was strange, but familiar, and he didn't know how to feel about it. He was glad that Ghost was okay after all this time. He'd spent so many hours wondering where he was and what he was doing, and now here he was, as if nothing had happened. Maybe he was just overreacting? It didn't feel like that was the case though.

Ghost kept to himself at all times, not once approaching him other than their first greeting. Captain MacTavish had told him later on that Ghost had come in early that morning, but that was all. It seemed like he hadn't been expecting it himself. Ghost still followed his same routine, which Gary was so use to that he knew it like clockwork. He'd still watch him shoot at the range out of habit.

Normally, Ghost walked by him every time he left. This time he stopped. Gary thought maybe he forgot something, but it looked more like he was thinking. If he just didn't look at him maybe he would leave.

"Hey... Roach?"

Apparently, he didn't leave. "Yeah?"

Ghost stood, seemingly unsure for once. It didn't show on his face as it was covered by his mask, but the way he stood had changed. In the end, he decided to sit down next to him. "I... wanted to talk to you."

That's right. He hadn't gotten the chance before. "Yeah, sure."

Ghost was still, but looked restless. "I'm sorry."

"What?" The words didn't register.

"I'm sorry... for what happened. I didn't mean to hurt you, you know that, right?"

Oh. That. "I know."

"It's fine if you're still upset, you have every right, and I don't expect you to forgive me either, that's not what this is about."

He nodded.

"Look." He took a deep breath before continuing, "... I'm happy for you. You look happy, and you say you are and I believe you. He'll be good for you."

"Is that all?" He didn't want the question to seem rude, he just didn't know what to say and wasn't sure where Ghost was going with all of this. Or maybe he wanted him to say more.

Ghost shifted.

"Ghost?"

"I know I can't change your mind, and I don't want to. Your choice is yours. I just..." He looked away, choosing to stare at the ground for a moment before looking back at him. "I shouldn't have said those things to you, I didn't mean them. And I'm sorry. I care about you, Roach, I just wanted you to know that."

"Ghost..." What should he say? Was there anything to say? Probably. His mind couldn't find the words.

"I'll see you around." Then he got up and left.

Gary kept looking at the spot where Ghost had left as if he'd come back. He knew everything Ghost had said was true. He could tell by the way he paused to think about his words, the way that they didn't come easy. He knew that Ghost cared. It was clear that Ghost's intention was not to pursue him, but to let him make his own choice, which he already had.

However, there was still that part of him that cared for Ghost. The part that had always hoped he'd see him again and that he would come back. That part that made his gut twist with a confused feeling every time he saw him. Steve was a good man, yes. Things would be easier with him for certain, there was less baggage, he was more open, and yet...

It wasn't the same. That wasn't a bad thing, different was good, and having different feelings from other people was natural. No single relationship was the same. He was happy, right? He was sure. Or perhaps not as sure as he had once thought. His mind was swimming with thoughts. What was he supposed to do? He hadn't been with Ghost all that long, but when he had he'd loved it. It was confusing.

He could just ignore it, but it felt like one of those things that would demand attention. Would he keep dating Steve? Or should he go back to Ghost? Would Steve even understand if he did? Hadn't he been ready to let things go?

"You know what? Nope, I'm not going to do this right now." So he stood, and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're like halfway through the story now, isn't this exciting?


	8. Overweight

Simon hadn't spoken to Roach since their last conversation. He wanted to leave him alone so that he could think in peace. He figured that Roach would stay with Steve, it would be best for him, he knew that. He'd spoken with Soap about it after. Soap didn't seem overly concerned about it, not having much to say, but thinking it was good to leave it up to Roach even if Ghost had been an idiot in the first place. When he had first come back to base, Soap had scolded him for leaving so long.

He had apologized though. He couldn't remember the last time he ran away like that, but he knew it shouldn't happen again. While he'd been away, he tried to figure things out. All he could come up with though, was to stop running from his problems. He needed to face them. No more running. No more hiding. So he had come back. And he had told Roach.

What would happen next, he didn't know, but he would wait. While he was gone he missed Roach. He missed being around him, missed his voice, and his smile. But there wasn't much he could do after what had happened. At least, he hadn't thought there was. In the end, Soap was right. He should apologize for what he did, and so he did. All that was left to do was wait.

As it was, he tried to read one of his books, but he only ended up staring blankly at the pages lost in thought instead. He wanted to try to change for the better whether or not Roach took him back. But he _would_ do it. For himself, and for those around him. They shouldn't have to worry. He wanted to be a better person than he was, even if he wasn't sure how to be. With how he'd grown up he had to stay guarded. It was the only thing that kept him together at the time.

He wanted Roach back, but it needed to be his own decision. Even still, he hoped it wouldn't take too much longer. It had almost been a week and he became restless. It had become so bad that he had started having more trouble sleeping. His thoughts were constantly wandering when he wanted to focus on anything else.

It was no wonder why he wasn't good at relationships. He was impatient, closed off, anger issues too. He couldn't imagine how Roach could like him, let alone might want to take him back again. He didn't deserve a second chance, he knew he didn't, but Roach wouldn't leave his mind and he didn't know why. He'd never had a problem with anyone else. Just him.

There was something about Roach that was almost... calming. The way he was carefree and behaved like a normal person. He'd never been around that much. But when Roach smiled and laughed, it made him feel like he wasn't as messed up as he was. Like he could be okay.

With a sigh, he tossed the book he'd been trying to read onto the bed, rubbing his eyes. It was pointless to try and read right now.

"Everything okay?"

He looked up, not having heard anyone walk down the hallway. It was Roach. "Yeah, everything's fine."

"Is it alright if I come in?"

He motioned for Roach to sit. Something seemed off.

"You probably already know this, but I wanted to talk to you." Roach was quiet, but didn't sound unsure of what he said.

"What is it?" For once, he felt nervous speaking with Roach.

"About what you said to me before... I want you to tell me something."

"Okay."

"What happened that night? Tell me the truth." He looked him in the eye as he said it.

That wasn't something that he wanted to talk about. If he really wanted to change, this would have to be his first step. He had to learn to open up.

"Ghost, please tell me."

"I didn't know what to do..." He really didn't want to talk about this.

"About what?"

Simon looked away from him. "Everything." He had been feeling so out of place, he hadn't known what to do with himself and then...

"Hey... Look at me." Roach placed his hand under Simon's chin, making his gaze return to him. "Tell me, it's okay." His voice was gentle.

He glanced at the open door. Roach noticed.

"I'll close it." After he had, he sat back down.

"I have a hard time, trying to have a normal life. There's too much time, I don't know what to do. It feels strange."

"Is that why you got drunk?"

"Not really... No."

"Then what was it?"

"Roach, I..." He deserved to know the truth after everything he put him through, but that didn't make it any easier to say. "I got caught up in the past. I couldn't get it to stop... All these thoughts..." He could feel his throat get tighter, he didn't want to talk about this. He didn't want to explain anymore. He still didn't want Roach to know.

"Were you trying to forget?"

"I don't know. No. I can't." He could never forget everything that happened to him. He'd tried. It never worked.

Roach nodded, as if satisfied with the answer he was given. "Thank you for telling me. I know it can't be easy."

"Is that all you wanted to talk about?" He wanted to be alone again. This conversation made him uncomfortable and he wanted out.

"No, that's not the only thing."

Great. There was something else. Did he want a better explanation?

"You can relax now, don't worry. I just... Ghost, no... Simon. I wanted to tell you that I forgive you. I don't know what you've gone through, but I know your life hasn't been easy, and it probably never will be. But I really care about you, and I hope that someday you'll trust me enough to tell me." He paused. "Basically I... want to be with you. I want to support you. I want to be here... for you."

Did he hear him right? "You... what?"

"I pick you." Roach looked confused as to why Simon was confused.

"But I hurt you, and I pushed you away. Why would you want to...?" He didn't get it.

"Because I... You're important to me. And you didn't mean to, you said so yourself." He moved closer to him.

"What about Steve?"

"I told him a few days ago how I felt, he understands. He has to leave soon anyway and it would be better if we went our separate ways." He gave a little shrug.

"And you're sure?"

"I'm sure." Slowly, he moved closer, until he sat right in front of him, and carefully removing his mask with the tips of his fingers. He'd forgotten how warm they were.

"Absolutely?" He swallowed hard as his mask lifted off. Why was he so nervous?

"Yes. I'm sure," Roach chuckled softly. "Is that okay?"

He nodded, feeling suddenly vulnerable to Roach's brown eyes.

"You have to promise me one thing though. You can't keep hiding yourself from me, okay? Can you do that?" He was so close to him now.

"I'll try. I want to be better, I do... I'll probably screw up a lot more."

"That's okay."

"It won't be easy."

"I know it won't."

"Will you be patient with me?" His heart pounded so strong with Roach just inches from his face.

"I will." Roach sealed those words with a kiss that made the world stop. Surely, he had to be dreaming.

When Roach pulled back, Simon's eyes were still closed, the kiss still lingered. Every fiber of his being felt like it was lit on fire. He had missed him. He had missed him so much, and he never wanted him gone again. When he opened his eyes, Roach watched him as he always did, a smile spreading across his face.

"What is it?"

Roach simply shook his head. "You look different."

"Is that good?" He wasn't sure what he meant.

"I think so." He leaned in to kiss him again, then pressed his forehead against his.

Simon could feel his breath hit his skin. The thought that Roach was the best thing in his life crossed his mind and he pulled him closer. That's all he wanted right now, all he needed. Just him. Closer.

"Ghost?" The question slipped from his lips as Simon's hand had found it's way up his shirt and held onto this bare back.

He looked at him, like a sort of silent permission before he did anything else. Only when Roach looked back at him, face starting to flush, did he seem to understand what was being asked. His answer was received when Roach took his face and drew it close so he could kiss him once more, much deeper this time.

Simon only broke it to lift off Roach's shirt and toss it to the floor without a care as the same was soon done to him. Roach traced the scars that ran along his body. All the ones he had seen before were the ones on his face. "Not what you were expecting?"

"Not really... There's so many."

He could see the questions just waiting to be asked, but instead Roach leaned in and kissed a long scar along his collar bone that went down to his chest. Then Simon brought him back to his lips, pulling him closer until they were pressed against each other. He could feel the way Roach's hips rubbed against him, making him groan into another kiss.

He broke away, taking a moment to kiss and nip at Roach's neck. He could hear soft breaths as fingers slid into his hair. His hands wandered to the belt around Roach's waist. "May I?"

"Yeah." He sounded breathless.

With nimble hands, he unbuckled him, pulling his pants down to his thighs, and leaning back to take in the sight. Roach was gorgeous, face flushed bright red.

"What? Why are you staring...?"

"It's just you," he chuckled, enjoying Roach's shyness.

"Well... stop."

"Make me." He smirked.

Roach huffed, deciding to take matters into his own hands and unbuckle Simon's belt. Since he was sitting though, his pants wouldn't go any lower no matter how much Roach tried.

"That's not fair."

"It's not my fault you're on top."

"Well, then lift your ass," he complained.

"Is that an order?" He asked, running a hand down Roach's thigh.

"I... uhm... Not really..." The blush on his face spread to his ears now.

"You're so cute, come here." Simon pulled his face close, kissing him sweetly.

Roach hummed, then squeaked when Simon's hand found it's way to his groin.

"Feel good?" His voice was just above a whisper.

"Y-yeah," Roach stammered, leaning into his touch and beginning to kiss along his jaw.

All Simon wanted was to have Roach's lips back on his. He wanted to touch him all over, map out his body with his hands. They couldn't move around too much, given the bed was only meant for one, but it didn't matter.

The next spot Roach kissed was under his chin, leading up to his lips. His kisses were deep, but quick, leaving Simon to want more. There were soft moans and gently touches, the grinding of skin and beads of sweat. He'd never felt anything so good. When Roach was on the edge, he'd buried his face in the crook of Simon's neck, too embarrassed to show his face.

When things had calmed, they laid together just like that, the feel of Roach's breath softly hitting against his skin. Things were quiet around them, the only noise being Roach shuffling to lay against Simon's chest. Simon pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Simon?"

"Hm?" he hummed, reaching across to grab a tissue from on top of his dresser to clean them off with.

"No one's... Going to walk in here, right?"

Simon laughed. "No, no one should." He wiped them both off, throwing the tissue in the trash.

"Hmm... Okay." It didn't sound like he fully believed him, but he stayed where he was anyway. Most of the time, no one disturbed him when his door was closed unless it was urgent.

They stayed together, slowly dozing off, that was until Soap came into the room, presumably looking for Simon.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"C-Captain!" Roach stammered, pulling the bed sheet up his partially nude body. They hadn't bothered to put their clothes back on.

"Hey, Soap."

"If you two are done lazing about, there's work to be done." Soap scowled at them before walking back out, shaking his head.

"You told me no one would come in!" Roach hit him lightly in the chest.

"I didn't think anyone would. It's just Soap, it doesn't matter."

His only reply was Roach's face turning red as he got up to get his clothes on.


	9. X Amount of Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been longer than I had anticipated! There's been a lot going on, but since things have finally settled down I can continue working on this fic. That being said, I start school in about a week so I may not have time to work on it too much (though I probably still will, hooray procrastination)! Also, I have an original writing blog up now on my profile if any of you are interested. Hope you enjoy!

Things were getting better. Not perfect, but better. Ghost hadn't opened up too much more, but he was trying to become more open when it came to talking with Gary. He tried his best. Ghost still hadn't talked about his family, but he would be patient and wait as he had been before. There were topics he'd still avoid such as some past missions and teammates. All in all, things were improving.

They spent nights together at times. While they still weren't bunked together, Gary would sneak into Ghost's room at night. No one cared at any rate. Soap already knew about them, that was certain after their little incident. It wouldn't come as a surprise if he'd told the rest of the team too, or maybe they had already figured things out on their own. It wasn't too hard.

That night, Ghost had fallen asleep in Gary's arms. He spent his time combing his fingers gently through Ghost's hair as he wasn't quite tired yet himself and he had trouble falling asleep sitting up. There was silence around them except from the occasional murmur from Ghost. For the most part he slept soundly. Sometimes Gary would hear coherent words mumbled, but they were few and far between. Anytime he did hear something though, he would see Ghost scowl like he was having a bad dream. He only hoped that wasn't the case.

As the time passed, Gary had started to doze off, head falling down to his chest, then jolting right back up like he startled himself awake. When he had gotten comfortable again, he could hear Ghost groaning. A bad dream.

"It's okay, Simon, I'm here," he shushed him, running his fingers down his neck in the hopes of soothing him so he'd stay asleep. It didn't quite work out though.

Ghost had awoken with a start, glancing around the room for a moment before realizing that Gary was still next to him with a worried look on his face.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Fuck..." He rubbed his eyes, looking back at him. "Yeah, I'm okay... Why aren't you sleeping? It's bloody late."

"Ah... I couldn't sleep." He gave a small grin.

"Sorry."

"Eh? For what?"

"If I've been keeping you awake. I'm sure I'm not the easiest person to sleep with, you know I don't sleep well. Maybe you should go back to your bed tonight, get some rest." He shifted, moving off of Gary so he could get up.

Gary shook his head. "No, I'm fine. I'd rather stay here with you... if that's okay. If you'd rather have me go then I will, but..." He didn't really want to leave Ghost after he'd had a nightmare. It was probably silly, especially since Ghost was a grown man, he could handle a nightmare, but he didn't want him to have to be alone.

"You sure? You really don't have to, I'm fine, really."

He nodded. "I'm sure, let's just go back to sleep, okay?"

"You go ahead." He stretched, trying to make himself look casual about it, but Gary knew something was up.

"Ghost, you have to sleep too."

He stared at the floor.

"Ghost...?" He leaned close to Ghost, resting his hand on his shoulder. "Hey, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just don't want to go back to sleep right now, don't worry." He kissed Gary's nose and smiled gently.

"Was it your dream? How bad was it?"

"Bad. I've had worse though." He shrugged.

"Well... Do you want to talk about it?" He was hoping he might open up about it.

"Not really."

"Oh..."

"Sorry." He must have noticed his disappointment.

"No, no, it's okay."

"No, it's not. I'm sorry. I always thought things would be better this way, but I was wrong and it just makes things difficult."

"What do you mean?" Gary sat next to Ghost, resting his head on his shoulder.

"I always thought being guarded was a good thing, but it's not, but I don't really know how not to be... And it's making things difficult and I'm sorry, Roach."

"I told you, it's okay. You trust me, right?"

"Of course."

"Then stop worrying about it. I know you'll tell me when you're ready."

"But what if you look at me differently when I tell you...?"

"Well, what if that's not a bad thing?"

"How could it not be?" He scowled.

"Whatever it is, it made you who you are now so... even if it's bad, you're still the one that I," he paused. "You're the one that I care about."

Ghost smiled, resting his head on Gary's. "You're too good for me."

"I wouldn't say that."

"I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up." He kissed Gary's forehead.

"It's okay, no one's perfect." He gave a little shrug and yawned. "Do you wanna go back to sleep now? If we don't we'll probably be tired tomorrow."

"Yeah, I think that'd be good." Ghost nudged Gary to scoot so they could both lay down.

"Goodnight, Ghost." Gary snuggled up to him once they had laid down.

"Night, Bug." Ghost wrapped his arms around him before they fell asleep.


	10. Drilled a Wire Through My Cheek

He was back there again, back at the facility where he had been captured so long ago. Tied to a chair, he couldn't move. He couldn't call for help, no voice came out. This time it was different. His father was there. A knife was in his hand. He could see snakes at his feet, rattlesnakes, furiously shaking. He didn't want to be here, not again. Not again.

The chair didn't move as he struggled. He had to get out. Why wouldn't it move? His father approached, standing in front of him, grinning. Simon tried to spit curses at him, but still his voice was silent. The snakes were wrapping around his legs.

"Simon, Simon... Always been a weak one haven't you?" His father sneered, cutting him across the chest. Even if he could scream, he didn't want to give him the pleasure.

"You're pathetic, but you already know that, don't you?" He cut him across the face.

He knew.

"You're just a sad sac of shit. Everyone thinks so. Even Gary." A slow cut across his neck.

He was right. He'd feared it all along, but he knew it was true. He wasn't worth anything, not now, not before. He was better off dead, he knew that, certainly he thought about it enough.

"Oh, no, no... You don't deserve death. You really think you should get off that easy, do you? No, you deserve to live because living is hell." He stabbed him in the stomach.

Simon screamed. Then the knife was brought down, cutting into his leg. Blood seeped into his clothes. The knife continued to drag across his skin, ripping into it. He kept screaming.

"Simon... Simon...? Simon!"

His eyes shot open, shoving at whatever was above him. It was too dark, he couldn't see.

"Simon, Simon, it's okay, it's me, it's just me, Gary."

 _Gary...? Oh._ He squinted in the dark, barely able to make out his shape. "What the hell are you doing in here?" He felt out of breath and confused, Gary hadn't been in there when he'd fallen asleep.

"You were... screaming. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Shit. I didn't wake anyone up did I?" Screaming? That hadn't happened in a long time, why now?

"I don't know."

He sat up slowly, wiping sweat from his brow. His hands were shaking. Great.

"Are you okay?"

Gary reached out to touch him, but he leaned away, nodding his head in silence.

"Simon, that's not an answer."

He knew it, but he also didn't want to talk.

"Don't shut me out, talk to me, please."

He shook his head, curling in on himself, hiding his face so Roach couldn't see him. He couldn't tell him, he couldn't, he couldn't...

"You know... it's okay, right? It's okay if you're scared. I'm not going to think differently of you if that's what you think. You won't be any less strong if you show weakness." His voice was so soft.

"I don't want you to know," he murmured, lifting his head.

"I know." Gary placed his hand on Simon's cheek.

He should. He knew he should. He had said that he trusted him, and he did, so it was time to act on that trust and tell him. "I don't even know where to start..."

"With the dream or...?"

"No, not the dream, fuck the dream."

"Then what...?" he asked, confused.

"How my family fucked me up, how my job before this fucked me up, how I can't just live a normal life because it doesn't feel right, nothing fucking feels right half the time and I fucking hate that I can't get out of my own head."

"Ghost..."

"I don't know what to do, I don't know..." He wanted to disappear.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere." Gary sat down next to him.

"My family was shit... My dad tormented me since I can remember, my brother always scared me... Mom didn't really care about any of it."

"What did he do, your dad?" His voice was unsure, like he didn't know if he should be asking.

"He used to bring home dangerous things... animals. He made me kiss snakes, I got bit by them a lot. He always used to say he'd kill me with them, though he never did. Made me laugh at a dead woman once too, he wouldn't let me leave until I did." Part of him wished he had been killed. "I joined the military after a while, I was so glad to get away from them. I loved them, but I couldn't be around them anymore. The job I had before this one, me and my team got captured, tortured... They really messed with my head, I couldn't handle my anger after that, sometimes I still can't.

"Before that, I had come home and my brother was addicted to drugs and my mom was being cheated on... I didn't want to go back until I helped them, but I couldn't. No matter what I tried... I couldn't help them. In the end, I got them killed. Someone I knew before killed them. I couldn't do anything about that either. I ended up killing the ones who did it. Shepard had recruited me shortly after and I came here...

"Soap pretty much took me under his wing, he's more of a father than mine ever was, but even still, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do... I can't stop thinking about everything that happened. Sometimes it's just too much, and I can't handle it. When I'm by myself there's nothing stopping it, so I keep busy and even then..." He paused, taking a moment to collect himself. "Sometimes I want to die." His last words were quiet, he almost hoped Roach hadn't heard.

Roach didn't say anything.

Fuck. He knew he shouldn't have said anything... He knew—

"I had no idea..." His brows furrowed. "I'm sorry all of that happened to you... I can't even imagine what that was like."

He was just waiting now. Waiting for Roach to look at him differently, like he should be pitied. Why couldn't he stop fucking shaking?

The look he waited for never came though. Instead, Roach came closer, wrapping his arms around him to hold him tightly. "Thank you for trusting me," he whispered.

"Fuck..." He buried his face in the crook of Gary's neck. He didn't want to cry, but he couldn't stop it. The tears slid down Gary's neck, and Simon held him tighter.

"I know that I can't fix this, and I don't know if anything ever could, but... I want you to know I'm here for you, no matter what and however I can help, I'm here."

He could feel Gary's fingers running through his hair as they did on many nights, it had a way of calming him. "Thank you..."

In a way, it felt good to get everything out in the open, on the other hand, he was still afraid that Roach would change his mind, think it was too much, or eventually get sick of dealing with him. But since he'd stayed this long, he was probably in for the long haul, however long that would be. He'd already put up with so much of his shit anyway.

As the night passed, Simon calmed, his shaking ceased, and he drifted back to sleep, still in Roach's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like tears


	11. Sound of Pulling Heaven Down

After that night, things had changed between them. There was no more need to hide, no need to worry, no more secrets from the past. Things felt easier. Simon had become less tense, everyone seemed to notice. He still kept up his tough front though, but he did have an image he wanted to keep. They spent time together like when they had first met, stealing kisses when no one looked, and at times trying to embarrass the other.

Soap took notice of this change pretty quick, commenting one day that Simon had seemed lighter, and that it was weird and unsettling from his usual brooding. Simon could only smirk at the remark. He had had half the mind to request sharing a room with Roach, but it was better to remain professional, even if he still sneaked in sometimes. Even by himself he would be smiling at times. It was strange and not something he had ever experienced before.

He didn't really realize what it was until he woke up one morning and Roach had joined him at the table while he drank his usual coffee. Roach had just been sitting across from him reading a book, nothing unusual. But every time he looked at him, he could feel his heart beat just a little faster. He watched Roach's dark eyes scan across the page and the way his expression would change slightly depending on what he just read.

Simon sat there quietly, realizing it was in the way he smiled and laughed, and the other little things, like how he liked sweet coffee and how he liked to hold something when he slept. It was then that he realized that he loved Roach. Sure, they had always said that they cared about each other, but it had gotten to the point where it was more than that, something different than just caring. He almost couldn't believe it.

He'd never been in love. He'd never been with anyone so long, or tried so hard to stay with someone either. Yet here they were.

"Ghost? Is something wrong?" Roach asked, looking up from the book.

"Hm?" He blinked a couple times, before realizing that he'd just been staring. "Nothing's wrong."

"Mmm..." Roach hummed in disbelief. "It's not like you to get distracted."

"Just thinking about something is all."

"What about?"

He paused a moment, not wanting Roach to know yet. "Nothing too important. I'm going to go to the range, are you coming too?"

"Ghost... You're doing that avoiding thing again." Roach gave him a curious look.

"What avoiding thing?"

"The thing you do when you don't want to answer something."

Ah, yes, that thing. Force of habit really. "Bug, trust me, it's not important, okay? I wouldn't lie about that." Maybe a little lie. Since it wasn't anything bad, he didn't see it as a big deal though. Nevertheless, he leaned across the table and kissed Roach's head.

"If you say so." He smiled.

-

Later that day, they got called out for a mission. Intel on the whereabouts of Makarov. It was supposed to be a relatively easy job, in and out, but they were met with more forces than they were prepared for and Roach ended up separated from the rest of their group.

"Soap, Price, cover me!" he shouted, standing up from behind the counter they had taken cover under and shooting down a few men while Soap and Price covered the sides. He had to get to Roach. He didn't know if he was okay. "I'm going to go get him, can you get the intel?"

"Ghost, it's too dangerous for you to go by yourself, if we just—"

He cut Soap off. "You and I both know there's no time for that. I can do this."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Go for the intel, we'll meet you back at the chopper."

"Alright. Be careful, I'd rather you come back alive. Price?"

"Let's go," he answered.

Ghost dashed across the room while the others went in the opposite direction, effectively confusing the few soldiers that were left and he took them out. "Roach, can you hear me? Where are you?"

"Ghost? Yeah, I can hear you, I'm in the basement..." His voice was low, he could barely hear him.

"What are you doing in there?" he asked, making his way down the hall.

"They cut me off, there wasn't really any other option, but I don't think they know that I'm in here."

"Okay, I'm coming, just stay there. Are you hurt?" He pressed up against the wall as he heard footsteps approaching.

"Y-yeah, they shot me in the leg. But I'm okay! Don't worry."

"Shh, someone's coming..." He silenced the radio as he peered around the corner. An enemy. Without another moments pause, he shot off a few rounds, killing the soldier. "Roach?"

"Still here, don't worry. Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I'm coming to you now. Hold on." Simon made his way down to the basement in little time. It was dark, he couldn't see a thing. "Roach? Where are you?"

"Over here! Behind the stairs."

The floorboards creaked and he could only assume Roach was trying to move. Carefully, he walked over, bumping into a couple boxes before he felt Gary with his hand. "Are you okay? Can you stand?" They had to get out.

"Yeah... Yeah I can. I'm fine, I'm okay. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Come on, I got you." He wrapped Gary's arm around his neck to support him.

"Where's Soap and Captain Price?"

"Told them to go on ahead, they'll be waiting for us. I don't think there's too many soldiers left in the house anyway." Hopefully. If there were, they could very well be in trouble. "Soap, I have Roach, we're coming out."

"Well, congratulations to you two, but I already knew." Soap chuckled.

Simon rolled his eyes and Roach snickered. Real mature. They made their way up the stairs slowly, Roach's leg was soaked in blood. As long as he didn't pass out, they should make it out relatively quick. Soon enough, they were back in the main room, it still looked clear. "Wait." He paused, listening.

There was a click.

"Get down!" He pushed Roach down to the floor as shots were fired. "Fuck." Bullets flew above their heads as they hid behind a low wall. Shit. How many soldiers were there? He hadn't seen any before they took cover. "Roach, you okay?"

He grunted, pushing himself off the floor to join Simon, propping himself against the wall. "I'm okay, did you have to push so hard?" He made a face, holding onto his leg.

"Now's not the time to complain about that, better hurt than dead." It looked like his wound was getting worse, they had to get out of there. "There's probably only a few of them, we can't run for it, do you still have ammo?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, you distract them from the side and I'll work my way to them and take them out, got it?"

"Roger. Be careful."

Nodding, he prepared to run to the other wall for cover. "Now!" As gunfire sounded, he dashed across the room, hiding once more when they noticed him.

"Ghost, where are you?"

"Working on it, Soap. I'm a little busy right now." A bullet shot through the wall. "Fucking hell!" A little closer and it would've hit him. Seems they weren't too occupied with Roach anymore. He couldn't make Roach run for it though, he could barely stand. On the other hand, he couldn't stay behind the wall or he could very well be shot.

"Ghost, is everything okay?" Roached asked.

"Just caught between a thin wall and some gunfire, I'll figure it out, stay put."

"Ghost..."

What wouldn't the soldiers expect? He thought, then his gaze wandered to his knife. Perfect. "Hey, Roach, when I stand, shoot the two on the left, got it?"

"What? What're you doing?"

"Trust me." He gripped his knife, only one shot. "Hey! Over here!" He stood up, waiting just long enough for a soldier to pop up over the barrier before throwing his knife. Direct hit to the throat. The other two went down right after with Roach providing backup fire.

"Is that all of them?" Roach called out.

"Looks like it." He walked over to the bodies and pulled out his knife, wiping the blood off on the enemy's clothes. When he stood, he looked over at Roach, who seemed to be trying to stand on his own. What an idiot. "You're going to hurt yourself if you do that." He sighed, walking back over to him.

"I can do it— Ow, shit... shit, shit..." When he stood, he put too much pressure on his leg and nearly lost his balance.

"Come on, I got you." Simon put Roach's arm around him once more and headed for the exit. Roach looked pale by now, they had to get the bleeding stopped.

-

They were back at base now, safe and sound, mostly. Roach wasn't going to be able to go anywhere for a while, the bullet really did a number on his leg. He'd have to use crutches to get around, but for now, he rested in the infirmary, Simon beside him. He hadn't left since they got back. Roach had passed out and he'd been worried, even though he was reassured that Roach would be just fine.

He was still asleep, but it was for the best. Simon held his hand, caressing it with his thumb. This hadn't been a close call like last time, but it was still worrisome. "I promise I'll do whatever I can to protect you." With their job, it was an almost impossible promise to keep, but out of all things, he didn't want to lose him. He leaned over, being careful to not disturb him, and whispered, "I lo—"

"Ghost...?" Gary's eyes opened, and they were looking right at him.

His face felt hot all of a sudden, but he recovered by kissing Gary's forehead. "Hey, Bug." His voice cracked as his nerves were still settling. "How're you feeling?"

"I can't complain." He smiled. "Were you saying something before, when I woke up?"

He hadn't heard, that was a relief. "No, I've just been sitting here. You were probably dreaming." Simon propped his head in his hand. "You know, Bug, you really have to stop getting shot like this."

"Aha... Yeah." He sat up, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm really hard to kill though."

"True, but I don't want you to get too holey."

"I'll try my best."

"Mm..." Simon hummed, leaning back in the chair.

"What? You don't believe me?"

"Hm? Oh, no, I believe you."

"It's not my fault I get shot at a lot."

"You could dodge like in the Matrix." He gave him a glance.

"I'll get right on that," Gary replied sarcastically. "Why're you giving me a hard time, I'm wounded."

"Because it's fun." He smirked, poking Gary's cheek. "You should rest up."

"Yes, mom." He stuck out his tongue.

"I'll come back to check on you later."

"I'll be here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly not too happy with this chapter, but I can't figure out how to fix it, so I hope you enjoyed nonetheless!


	12. Everlasting Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here! Sorry for the delay. I hope you all enjoy!

A few days had passed since Roach had been shot. He was out of the infirmary and walking around a bit, but it would be a while until he was fully recovered and back in action. Since then, however, Ghost was needed on a mission and Roach wouldn't be able to come. He had to tell him, and while that was a simple thing, this was a mission to kill Makarov for good. They'd found him. This would be the night that they left.

The only problem was that Roach couldn't come. His leg was still injured, and Simon still had to tell him they were leaving. Normally, it wouldn't be an issue, only he knew that Roach would worry, and he didn't want that. It was strange. He hadn't been on a mission without Roach in almost a year now. They'd had each other's backs for so long. Simon knew that Roach was in his room, likely resting, and he knew that he needed to tell him. It would be easier not to, but it wouldn't be fair. Then again, he also couldn't avoid him all day.

It wasn't until late evening that he decided to tell him. They'd be leaving in a couple hours. He shifted, for once standing awkwardly in front of Roach's door, just about to knock, and debating in his mind whether he really wanted to tell him. If he didn't... Roach would probably be mad. Definitely be mad. He was sure of it. On the other hand, he didn't want Roach to be sad either. None of them knew if they'd come back from this mission in one piece much less alive. And if he didn't make it back then... Roach would be alone.

Shaking his head and taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door. No time to think about that now. "Roach, can I come in?"

"Yes."

Opening the door slowly, he walked in, shutting it behind him. "Roach, I need to talk to you about something."

"What is it? Is something wrong?"

Simon shook his head. "No. We found Makarov."

"Wait— For real?! Finally?" He jolted upright. "Where is he? When do we leave?"

"Hotel Oasis in the Arabian Peninsula. Price, Soap, and I are leaving tonight. You're staying here."

"You can't be serious."

"You can't honestly think that you'd be able to go on this mission. Gary, you can barely walk!"

He looked about to retort, but then was silent. "I know but..."

"Look, Gary..." Simon sat next to him. "I'll be okay. This isn't my first mission."

"I know that. I just don't know what I'll do not knowing if you're safe or not." The worry was painted across his face.

"Bug, I don't want you to worry about me. Ever since I met you, I've felt stronger when I'm with you. I know that you're always there for me, even when I don't think I need anyone... And even after all the shit I've put you through, you're still here."

"Of course I'm still here, there's no one else's back I'd rather have. We're a team."

"Yeah, we are, aren't we? You've saved me a lot since you came to the 141."

"But I'm the one always getting into trouble."

He looked genuinely confused and Simon laughed. "Not what I meant, Bug. You know... I've actually been feeling a bit better lately, it's weird. I can't remember the last time things felt better, but it's been quieter when I'm with you, my mind." He glanced at the floor. "I'm glad I met you. I've been jaded for so long I guess I forgot how to be happy, you know?"

"Simon..."

He leaned over, kissing Gary softly. "Bug, you're the most important thing in my life." There were very few people he could say that about, most who came into his life left or died, or he pushed them away so much it became impossible for the other to stay. But Gary was different. He couldn't have ever imagined that he'd have the chance of a somewhat stable and healthy relationship with someone else.

"Why are you making it sound like this is goodbye?"

"I know I said I'll be okay, but you know I can't really promise that. There's no guarantee we're coming back. But we're not letting Makarov escape again this time. All of this... ends here. So at least everyone will be safe for a while."

"Simon... This isn't goodbye, don't say things like that. You'll all make it. I know it." But there was doubt etched into his face, he knew there was the possibility too.

They were both silent for a moment before Simon pulled him close, holding him tight. "I should get going..."

"I know..." Still, Gary held onto him.

"Take care, Bug." He let go, looking at him one more time before leaving the room. This could be the last time he would see him again. He never thought it would be this hard, but there was a job to do and it was more important than a long goodbye of sad I love yous. If he told him and ended up dead anyway, what would be the point? In the end it'd be more pain for him... right?

He did love him though. He loved him so much sometimes he couldn't sleep, and he couldn't explain it no matter how hard he tried. There was no way to explain how he felt, he fell, and he fell hard. Maybe the real reason why he hadn't told him was because he was afraid that the feeling wasn't mutual. Sometimes it's better not knowing after all.

His track record of people loving him wasn't so great. There was a part of him that still believed it was too good to be true, and he wasn't worth loving. Even if Gary didn't love him back, he'd understand.

"Ghost, you ready to leave?" Price asked when he had gotten to the chopper.

"Yes, Sir. Makarov's going to be one dead son of a bitch when we're through."

"That's the spirit, let's go!"

The final mission had begun.


	13. 18th Floor Balcony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I didn't think I'd get this done as soon as I did, but I wrote up this chapter all last night and was up super late aha. But now the story is done! Thank you all for taking the time to read it and leaving such nice comments <3 See you in another story!

He hadn't heard anything from them. It had already been a few days. Surely, the mission should've been over by now, right? Everyone was on edge. He hadn't been able to sleep. If the mission had gone as planned, they would've been back by now. But instead they weren't here, there was no sign that they were even alive. There was a growing pit in his stomach. He tried not to think about it, but it was there.

They could be dead.

As he lie in bed, he thought about how he never got to tell him he loved him. He had wanted to so badly, but he didn't know if Simon was ready. The last thing he wanted to do was make him uncomfortable. What if he had told him and then Simon felt the need to say so too even if he didn't? Would he even do that? He groaned in frustration.

"Stupid, stupid, I'm so stupid!" Tears stung at his eyes. He should have just told him. At least he would've known. It's not like there was anything to be afraid of. Maybe there was a small fear of rejection, but that was no excuse. He had to believe they'd make it back. He had to believe he could still tell him. It wasn't fair. His vision blurred looking up at the ceiling as tears slid down his cheeks.

Stupid leg injury, stupid war, stupid head. Why didn't he tell him? Why didn't he just tell him?! It was so simple. He should've... He should have. It was probably too late now. A choked sob escaped his throat and his hands rushed up to smother it. He didn't want anyone to hear him. They already all gave him looks of sympathy. They all knew there was something between Ghost and him. They all thought he was dead. All he could do was smile and say he was sure they'd be back soon. He didn't want anyone to know he had his doubts too.

His hands were shaking. He had to be brave, he had to believe, he had to, he had to... Another cry came out. All he wanted was for Simon to come back. It was his own fault he couldn't go with them, because he wasn't careful enough and got hurt. What if that got Simon hurt? What if he had been able to go, would they be back by now? Would they all be celebrating the end of their mission? Would it be his fault if Simon came back dead and everyone else was okay? He always had his back.

He couldn't stop the thoughts from flooding. If Simon was dead it was his fault. After all he had been through too, there wouldn't even be a happy ending. After all the pain he went through... He deserved so much more. He deserved to be loved and to be happy. Why couldn't life be more simple? Did it have to be like this? Would he really never see his face again?

"Roach?" There was a light knock at the door.

Shit. His roommate. He quickly wiped his face though he knew his eyes were red. "Yeah?"

He cracked the door open. "You're gonna want to come out here."

Gary bolted upright. "Are they back?"

-

It had been a long day. His body ached all over and he was tired as hell. But as they all made their way back into base, people were silent and expecting. There hadn't been any contact for some time and no one knew what had happened. Some looked shocked to see them, others relieved, but there was only one he searched for and didn't see yet.

"Soap, you and Captain Price can go ahead and inform everyone, I'm going to—"

"Going to see Roach? Understood." Soap smirked.

"Oh shut up you ass." He glared from under his glasses. Cocky bastard.

"Well, go on then."

He gave small nod and headed off. Now, where would he be? His leg was still hurt so he doubted he'd be up to much. His room, maybe? It was late afternoon so there was a good chance. He hurried down the hallway. Soon he heard the all too familiar sound of a crutch clacking against the cold floor as he rounded the corner. And then he stopped in his tracks. There he was.

"Hey Bug." His heart pounded in his chest.

"Ghost..." He looked about ready to cry.

"I'm here." Simon took off his glasses and mask, smiling gently. He'd never been so glad to see him.

"S-Simon..."

Oh shit, he really was about to cry. "Hey, hey, it's okay." He walked up to him, holding him tight. "I'm here, shh..." His hand ran through Gary's hair. The crutch fell to the floor as Gary held onto him, crying into his chest. "Ow... ow... Not so tight." He'd taken some bad falls on the mission, not much broke, just a rib or two, no big deal. But it still hurt.

"Sorry... Are you hurt? Are you okay? What happened? I thought..." He had to take a deep breath. "I thought you'd died." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Why would you think that? We just lost communication for a bit is all. We're all fine, I promise. So... please, don't cry, okay?" That's not a sight he wanted to see. In the distance he could hear the rest of the team shouting cheerfully. Soap must've told them the good news. "We got Makarov you know." He grinned. "Bloody bastard was a pain in the ass, Price beat the shit out of him too... but we'll get to be on leave for a bit now so I was thinkin—"

But his words were cut off when Gary pulled him close and kissed him. It was warm and welcoming and it felt like he was going to melt where he stood. And then he looked back into those dark eyes, finding himself smiling.

"I'm glad you're safe." He wiped his face on his sleeve, now smiling too. "You could've called sooner though." Gary gave a playful punch to his arm.

"Hey, communications were down, that's not my fault."

"I know, but... I was worried."

"I'm sorry." He pressed a kiss to Gary's forehead, then bent down to pick up his crutch. "Want to go join the others?"

"Yeah, you can all tell me how you offed Makarov."

...

A few days had passed since then. The 141 disbanded temporarily to all go home. Only, Ghost didn't go back home. He didn't want to spend time in that dreary little apartment by himself. So this time, he spent his time with Gary at his place. It was much nicer even if he hadn't been there for too long.

They were out on the small balcony, Gary looking out at the night sky and the city below, but Simon wasn't paying attention to that. There was something he needed to say, but he was nervous, hands clutched to the rail. "Ah... Gary?"

"Hm? Something wrong?" He turned, looking at him with questioning eyes.

"No, no, not at all I just... umm..." He scratched at his neck, looking off into the distance before returning his gaze. "I just wanted to tell you that I... I mean you, fuck." There he was, being an idiot, rambling. "You're one of the most important people in my life and you've been here for me, and I care about you so much... I... I can't think straight, and when I'm with you I feel warm and my heart races and I just—"

Gary's lips sealed his for a moment before they parted.

"I love you..." Simon whispered.

"I love you too." And Gary smiled.

After a while they went back inside away from the cold night air, instead choosing to snuggle up in bed. They talked about their family and their pasts. There wasn't any need to hide anymore. The future was an open book and Simon had every intention of spending it with him as long as he allowed it.

It was late, he didn't know what time. They were both tired, but wanted to stay up anyway. It felt too good to have time alone together to waste it on sleep. It was probably the first time in Simon's life where he felt completely safe and at ease. For once, he wasn't afraid of what would happen, and the thought of daily life didn't bring a sense of doom.

It wouldn't be easy if they both decided to stop working for the military if the time came, it would mostly be difficult for himself, but with Gary it felt like something that he could do. He'd never known anyone like him and he was better for it. And they talked into the night, Gary rested on Simon's chest.

"Simon?"

"Hm?"

"What're you thinking about?"

"Just you."

He smiled. "Good things I hope."

"Always."

There was a long pause. "What do you think we'll do next?"

"When our leave is over? We'll do what we always do. Protect our country and our people, cause some trouble, get shot at least once... the usual."

"And... after that?"

"After that... who knows."

"Well, you see... I was thinking that maybe... if you wanted to, you could move in here... With me. I-I mean, you don't really use your apartment anyway, right?"

He did have a good point. So he pretended to mull it over, just to make him nervous.

"If you don't want to that's fine too I mean—"

"Sure."

"Really? You're serious?" His eyes practically shone with excitement.

"Mm. I never liked my apartment anyway. Just don't keep me cooped up in here all the time, okay?"

"Wouldn't dream of it, though... you know this means my parents could come over more too."

"Ahh... One step at a time, Bug." Moving in would be a large enough step for now.

"Right, right, sorry... I think I'm getting a little ahead of myself there."

"It's fine," he chuckled. He wouldn't expect anything less.

A few minutes had passed and for a while he thought Gary had fallen asleep with how quiet he was. When he looked at him, his eyes were half lidded and struggling to stay open. "We should get some sleep."

"What time is it...?" He yawned, burying his face further into Simon's clothes.

"No idea, but the sun's rising." He hadn't realized they'd been up all night already.

"That's pretty late then." His voice was muffled through fabric, but he lifted his head to look up at him. "I'm not gonna sleep if you're not."

"Alright, alright..." He moved down slowly until his head rested on top of a pillow. He'd be glad when he could sleep on his side again.

"Night Simon." Gary kissed his cheek then nestled his head into the crook of his neck.

"Sweet dreams Bug."

A kiss to his head and they were out like a light, with the morning just beginning.


End file.
